Big Time Scene

tonights biggest loser

James, hearing the big sad sounds knee slides into the Griffin records bathroom.

"Why u sad?" James asks

"I'm tonight's biggest loser. They're gonna turn my mic off and take my lines even tho I'm world wide handsome. Last of my kind."

James nods, pushing in his inner demon down. He rips off his geroge bush mask, revealing his tall pre teen looks, face stained with tears. "I feel you. Being the pretty one in a group is hard. We can get thru this together."

Through the sobs, Jin says "we could be the prettiest power couple on Earth"

James nodds, they shake on it. They pull each other up and chest bump for way too long.

Jin rolls out of the bathroom, hitting his head on the door frame. Mild cuncossion. James attempts to roll out of the room too. They come out into the main room where the remaining members are starting to wake up after hearing the revolving door in the lobby slam.

Jin takes jungkooks sleeping bag and positions it on top of the stairs. before him and James can slide down it on the stairs they turned into namjoon braiding cornrows into his hair. Not again.

James quickly pushes them down the stairs.

Jin leads them outside to the front curb. Parked in front of the building is bang PD he's bright green minivan. They hop in with the intent to take a joyride. Not having the keys jin shanks the engine until it wakes up. While jin is working on the car James makes a playlist. It consists of several tracks of crazy frog and one it's not unusual in the middle.

They start out on their journey with Jin behind the wheel. Somewhere along the i-95 jin forgets which side of the road Americans drive on and chooses instead to drive directly in the middle so no one can really say that it's wrong.

In the middle of LA after being chased several blocks by a crackhead and having to drive over a fallen tree lying in the middle of the road, it's not usual comes on the radio. Jin gets lost in the music, and right as the beat drops, he looks up to see hoseok and Carlos holding hands and skipping across the highway. He rolls down the window and yells gay before swerving into oncoming traffic.

no one is hurt but big PD's minivan is totaled. What's new pussycat gets louder to console him. Sirens are heard in the distance.

A cop approaches the vehicle unbeknownst to the two crying boys. John mulaney dressed as a cop knocks softly on the window. The window shatters. "What are you doing in my swamp?" he asks.

James quickly steps over Jin through the window. Jin follows him out. John mulaney looks at them. "Why did you do that bo-"

The car explodes.

Jin collapses to the ground. "Not the sun roof!!1!"

The Shrek seat covers start burning. They're exploded into the air along with the fuzzy steering wheel.

with no evidence to arrest them John mulaney decides he has to let them go. John mulaney tears his cop suit off. A day's well done.

"Now that u two don't have a car, can I drive you anywhere?" Mulany asks.

"Can u take us to Cabo?" James asks.

"Sure, hop on!" Mulaney says, gesturing to his moterized scooter.

69 minutes later, they arrive at Cabo. Jin hops out of the baskte and James and john jump into the sand. They sink. It's quick sand. Fuck.

Jin waves goodbye. He is free.

James manages to crawl out and while on the ground he pulls out a funion. "I love you bitch" John mulany strums a guitar from under the sand. "I'm never gonna stop loving you bitch." They hear another guitar strum.

Jin cries again. He's so dehydrated.
He nodds reluctantly as his vocal chords had shrived up after so much crying.

James says yeah.

They search the sands for a wedding, before finally finding one. It's some hetero couple. Naste. They take the couple and put them in the quick sand. It is enough mass that in their sinking, another can rise.

John mulaney acends.

Jin takes his place at the front of the crowd who have all stayed because they paid for this trip damn it. Kelley who is in the audience, as the would be groom was her cousin, walks James down the asile. John mulaney stands with them and officiates the weeding.

It's sun set. There is a light breeze blowing in from the north. Dolphins jumping the distance. Everything is tranquil. Obama is there.

During the after party Jin egst crunk off straight vodka. Three shots later, the weeding party falls asleep in the sand.

Jin and James think the sand is too hard and find a couple's inner tube and gets into the ocean.

James looks at his new hubby. "you know, you might be tonight's biggest loser, but you're my biggest win."

Jin cries again.

John mulany waves at them from the store. They have abadoned him. Waving back, the newly Weds watch Kelley shank John mulany in the side and take his wallet, watch, and shoes. Street smarts can't save you in the sand.

The last thing they hear before the rip tide draggs them out to sea is John mulaneys wimpers. They did not see the no swimming sign. They are truely tonight biggest losers.