“The WHAT IF”
Because You and I will forever be an unfinished business…
Dear Jacob*,
Tawagin na lang kitang Jacob. At kung mababasa mo man ito, alam kong awkward na tayong dalawa sa isa’t-isa. Lagi namang may ganun eh.
Sa hundreds and thousands of people na kilala mo, may isa or higit pa na kapag nakita mo or nakausap mo ay awkward. It’s either you grew up apart kaya ang hirap ng magcatch up or sadyang may nabuo ng invisible barrier sa pagitan niyong dalawa na ang hirap tibagin.
As for us Jacob, hindi ko alam kung bakit tayo magiging awkward sa isa’t-isa pero iniisip ko palang na binabasa mo to, I’m cringing in my thoughts. Gaah, that would be soooo awkward.
Although never naman kitang naging ex-boyfriend, awkward talaga. Okay, masyado ko ng sinasabi ang awkward. Sorry.
Pero Jacob, thank you kapag nililibre mo ako ng pagkain. Thank you for being a good friend. Naalala ko nung first year at katulad mo din si Julian na galing sa isang private school but this time, you’re from Xavier School. Nakapagtataka at parang puro kayo galing sa mga bigating exclusive school. Hiyang-hiya naman ang aking pinanggalingan noong elementary.
I met you on my first year in high school, kasabay lang ni Julian. We became friends. Nilandi mo ako. Nagpalandi ako. Umasa ang tanga then nalaman ko kay Julian na may girlfriend ka na taga-Poveda. I think I cried that night. I think I cried the next two nights after. Feeling ko ang tanga-tanga ko. I hated you for all the reasons I could come up with. Iniwasan kita. Pero mahirap yun dahil ikaw yung seatmate ko and we have a lot of common friends so I chose to act civil with you. A few months later, nagbreak pala kayo ng maganda mong girlfriend. Nameet ko siya once at dun ko nalaman na devoted ka sa kanya kaya medyo nabawasan yung galit ko sayo. Unti-unti namang bumalik yung friendship natin kahit andun na yung awkward atmosphere.
Siguro nasagot na ang tanong ko kung bakit awkward tayo sa isa’t-isa. I still (kind of) hate you. You’re the first guy who broke my heart. Hindi ko alam kung alam mo yan but either way, I no longer care about it. I just can’t believe I got my first heartbreak at the age of 14.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero kahit si Julian yung naging boyfriend material and the perfect guy, ikaw pa yung nagustuhan ko. Wala naman akong sinisisi kung bakit ganon ang nangyari. Nakakainis lang kung isipin.
Because of my stupidity, umasa ako. Alam mo naman ang fourteen year olds, masyadong assuming. Assume ng assume. Mga feelingera. I hated you for flirting with me. Heck, I hated you for playing with my heart.
But no, hindi naman kita sinisiraan by implying that you’re an asshole. You’re still a great guy, after all. Nameet ko yung girlfriend mo at nalaman ko kung gaano ka ka-devoted sa kanya. She must be lucky to have you, Jacob. Pero sayang at nagbreak kayo a few months after. Still, it doesn’t change the fact na ako, yung babaeng umasa sayo ay nasaktan. Oh my God, ang drama naman nito.
