*COMPLETED*
Han Jisung, a boy too scared to speak his mind in public, or in private. The doctors can't decide what to do with this severe anxiety, and his parents are frightened for his future.
Lee Minho, the schools pretty boy. He avoids the "cool...
I get out of Mom's car, and walk up the stairs to my door, and walk in. Dad looks at me, smiles in the brightest way he possibly can, and says, "How was your day, Jisung?"
Awful, as usual.
I nod, and he smiles again. Oh, how forced everyone smiles at me. They fake smile, fake laugh, and fake happiness around me. They act like it's perfect for me, like I don't know it isn't. I know it isn't okay, and I know I'm not fine. They can't wait for me to leave, or die, or something. A son who can't talk is apparently an absolute nightmare. Dad, Jihun, turned to drinking and bartending all at once, Mom, Minji, barely comes home, choosing to be a full-time nurse, my twin sister, Jihyun, lives at her boyfriends, my older sister, Jimin, went to college to study music, and my brother, Jiyong, graduated about seven years ago, and is in university studying Psychology. I'm in twelfth grade, and I know that they thought about keeping me back in grade ten, but Mom wouldn't let them keep me back. She just wants me gone, I'm nothing but trouble.
They think I don't pick up on very much, so they assume that they can say anything, anywhere, anytime. I hate that, but whenever I think, What if I speak up? My heart speeds up, although my blood seems to run cold, my breathing gets quicker, my stomach ties in knots, and begins to hurt, the lights get way too bright and hurt my eyes, causing me to get a headache, I shake uncontrollably, and I have to leave so I can cry. Even when crying I'm silent. What if someone hears me? They'll ask me what's wrong, and I can't explain what's wrong! I don't know how! I can't even say, 'I understand, but can't talk'! There is so much wrong with me! Ugh!
I move towards the fridge, and Mom says, "Please don't take too much, we have company tonight."
I freeze, and feel the knot in my stomach tighten. I start shaking. Calm, calm, calm. You're okay, Jisung. You're okay. Please breathe. Don't shake. Relax. I glance at the lights and see that they're brighter than usual... Oh no... It's a tell-tale sign that I'm going to have a full-blown anxiety attack. Please don't... I spin around, and, using sign language, ask who.
"A few of my work friends. They'd love it if you could stay downstairs and eat with us!" She replies, sounding pointlessly hopefull.
Translation; A lot of people I know from the hospital. They think you're a fascinating specimin and would love to stalk your every move and try endlessly to get you to talk until you run away crying.
I shake my head.
"Please?"
I shake my head.
"Please?"
I shake my head.
It continues, my head moving more intensely each time. Dad watches, his head moving back and forth, like watching a tennis game. I'd swear I'm shaking my contacts out of place.
"If you don't want to, I can take you out for ice cream?" He suggests, trying to get me out of my situation.
I raise my hands, shaking them. Stop. They look at me. I point at myself, and up and to the right. My bedroom. I point to myself, and place my hands together, prayer-style, placing them on my cheek, leaning my head on it.
Mom's lips tighten, and Dad nods at me. I bow slightly. Thank you.
"And Jisung, will you be here for our family reunion in two weeks?" She asks that like I have somewhere else to go...
I shrug.
"Well, if you are, bring a friend. Jiyong's bringing his fiance Yesoo, Jimin's bringing her boyfriend Inseong, and Jihyun's bringing her boyfriend, Jeonggyu. You won't want to seem out of place." And she does it. She bitch-smiles. She knows I can't seem out of place, because I'll stand out. I can't stand out. Nonono! Crap... I just nod, and she walks out of the house.
The family reunion. My parents, grandparents, siblings, and their lovers, all meet up in our house, and have dinner, play games, than eat supper, and hang around until about ten o'clock, than my grandparents leave, going to the cabin at the edge of town that the four of them share, Jiyong goes home with Yesoo, Jimin and Inseong go with him, and Jihyun and Jeonggyu go out to parties, and than shack up at Jeonggyu's. Oh- sorry, sleep at Jeonggyu's, in different rooms, and the parties are clearly reading club meetings. Ugh, my parents are so clueless... My parents go to a resort-thingie for the rest of the week (Friday to next Sunday), and I'm home alone, eating, avoiding school, and basically hibernating. I've never had to bring a friend before, but I suppose I should... Just... What friend? I don't have any. My thoughts drift to Jia, but no. I don't know her that well... And no one would believe I made a female friend anyway. Well, no adult, or Jihyun. Sigh.
I'd like to say I completely forgot about it, but I dread it every year, and it's alway the first thing in my calander, and I set alarms for it starting two months early.
I wish I could run away.
But I can't... I can't talk, and I need the security of my home... Nothing calms me down, and I don't know how I make it through every year.
Sure it's a bumpy ride, but, after crying about eight times, digging my nails into my palms, and rocking back and forth in a corner, than going to bed early.
And we always have that week of school off, due to teacher meetings... So I have no distractions... But I need to bring a friend... Who am I going to bring?... I don't talk to people...
And something flashes through my mind...
A picture that was posted on Instagram on the ride home from school...
The Instagram (and about a thousand other social medias) were sent to me...
By that new phone number...
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Well I didn't see that thought coming...
As I walk upstairs, I pull out a notebook, and write it down.
LEE MINHO- ASK HIM TO STAY WITH YOU FOR FAMILY REUNION.
I get another thought, and update the note.
LEE MINHO- ASK HIM TO STAY WITH YOU FOR FAMILY REUNION.
BUILD FRIENDSHIP.
Words that I never thought I'd say...
"Build Friendship"
Crap...
-
A/n:
So... I have social anxiety, and how Jisung described it is basically how I feel, just nowhere near as bad as he has it... But I have it bad, too...
So you can trust that one (of many) description of an anxiety attack!
