to all the boys i've loved before

four

it was the next morning, jeno, donghyuck & i walked to school like always.

as we got near the school gate, i saw park jisung.

"jae! good morning!" he smiled. i smiled back and greeted him. "bye jeno! bye hyuck! see you two after school" i waved goodbye & walked next to jisung.

"how did you sleep?" "a little better than the past few nights. all the boys i've loved are surprisingly not awkward around me. all except my best friend." i mumbled the last part hoping jisung didn't hear it.

"what do you mean? is it because of what eunbi said?"

"no. i don't know. i saw him yesterday but he completely ignored me, i'm scared to lose him. lose him because i lied to him about many things"

"would you mind if i talked to him? I promise i'll make it better" jisung nervously asked. i didn't know what to answer, i didn't want to cause any drama.

"i'll try to talk to him, if he ignores me then i'll give you a chance to bother him" i sighed

fortunately, jeongin & i had first class together. unfortunately, eunbi & jisung were in first class with us too.

if jisung saw that jeongin rejected my explanation he would instantly try to talk to him.

thoughts invaded my head.

"jae, we're here" jisung whispered. i nodded & saw jeongin sitting in his usual seat next to the window. i sat next to him hoping he would look up.

but he didn't.

"jeongin" he didn't look up. i kept calling his name until i reached my limit.

"yAH YANG JEONGIN" i practically shouted. everyone looked up, everyone including him, but he quickly looked down.

a few seconds later, i had received messages from two people

two new messages from eunbi 🤡
three new messages from jisung 🤠

eunbi 🤡
leave him alone

eunbi 🤡
he doesn't want you
in his life anymore
read at 8:22 am

-

jisung 🤠
i'll talk to him after class

jisung 🤠
don't worry

jisung 🤠
i'll make sure to let
him know that eunbi lied

jaeeun
nonono

jaeeun
please

jisung 🤠
a promise is a promise &
i'm going to tell him

-

i hate this. i hate not communicating with jeongin. i hate that my best friend is ignoring me.

at this point i am disappointed. disappointed in myself for not letting out my feelings before stupid jeno sent my letters.

i copied down my notes & tried to do my work but didn't understand anything. all my attention was focused on my stupid letters & the mess i am in right now.