Dear Hyuckie,
Today was not fun, to say the least. The members and I had an argument about what the name of our new album should be. Everyone's arguing because it's the first album with all eighteen of us, and how we need to come up with a name that can now fit all three of our units' concepts. It'll be a fun album, I know that for sure. I've been having to record so many new songs though, for all three units. Sometimes when my voice goes hoarse, director-nim yells at me. During those times, I wish I could say something back, but my voice doesn't seem to work. I feel so bad. I'm trying my hardest.
I don't tell anyone this. I don't want anyone to think that I'm lazy, or that I'm not thankful I've even debuted. I'm so thankful that I've debuted, and even for the fact that I'm in three units. But it's hard. No one will understand. Doyoung tries sometimes.. but I don't know what to do. It's too much to tell him. I guess you're special Hyuckie, because you won't judge. Heck, you can't even think. You're literally a piece of paper. I guess we've just bonded.
I hope czennies won't get tired of hearing my voice in so many songs.
I do worry about that sometimes.
Do czennies get sick of my voice? Or are my ad-libs annoying? I don't really know. I guess being in three units has messed me up, I worry how NCTzens will think seeing me in so many units. What if they think someone else deserves this role? What if they get sick of my face?
If NCTzens start getting sick of me, I think I'd rather die.
Dying.
That's a new thought.
Current mood: the thought of death is weirdly appealing to me at the moment
Mark L
