The Dishonest Truth

Drowning in Tears

I drag myself towards home. Is it still my 'home'? I tell myself to calm down while I turn the knob, entering.

I can't. As soon as I stare into my mother's gleamy and hopeful eyes I know I won't be able to leave. How could I, her daughter abandon her? That's when I remember how I'm slowly transforming into some kind of monster. Speaking out loud all the bad aspects of different people. Was I that selfish? Could I lack selflessness so much that I was putting my future above my mother's future?

However, my mother didn't wanted me to be Candor. I know it because she didn't wanted to be Candor either. But she's stronger than I. She lived so long surrounded by this horrible people trying to take her down. But no, she never let that affect her, she still isn't able to say those things out loud.

I hate my 'father' for making us go through this; for making her give up her life, her future for him; only for him to betray her.

-Hello sweetie. Is everything okay?- She knew I've been crying.

-Yeah mom. What are we having for dinner?- I exclaim, trying to fill the emptiness in my voice with fake joy.

-Hamburgers and fries! I'm just about to finish making them- She sounds so happy my stomach churns with guilt at even considering leaving. I make my way through the kitchen and hug her. Without previous advice I'm crying again.

-It's okay honey, everything's going to be fine, I promise.- She whispers into my shoulder reassuringly. I can't quit sobbing and I hate me for that. I should be the one standing up for her. I shouldn't be so weak.

-You can tell me if you want to, you know that right?- She says with a soothing voice.

And I tell her. I need help. I don't care any longer. I give up and spill everything (leaving out the aptitude test). Revealing everything that's been going on in my mind and I end up in a hopeless shout;

-It's all his fautl! He's an idiot! I hate him! I hate him, I hate him! Look what he did to us! He got all of us stuck here while he left! He's nothing more than a liar!- I scream in a high pitched shriek between my endless sobs.

-No. It's not over for you. You have to leave. I have your sister; and we can still visit each other.- She states in a firm voice.

-You promise?- Tears running down my cheeks.

-I swear.- Her voice is so determined I feel completely sure I'll see her again.

Anyway, I can't stop crying. She holds me strongly as I let everything I've been holding inside so long, it's a relief to finally let go. And then, I slowly drift asleep.