I can't help it (James and Grayson)

Chapter 3

Grayson's POV:

It still hasn't quite sunk in, the state in which I found James. The state in which that guy put him in. Seeing him lying there, motionless, exposed and eyes closed made me so heartbroken but also unbelievably angry. Hence why the guy is now in prison custody with many bloody bruises on his face and body.

Ethan came with me, he saw it too and sometimes he's just not able to cope with his feelings as well as I am. He tackled the guy to the ground whilst I helped James. I wish I could of gotten there faster, I wish I warned him more, I wish I just asked him to hang out with me instead. After the police left the apartment, we got into the car to follow the ambulance into the hospital, Ethan was crying the whole way. I don't know how but I was keeping it together, probably for the sake of everyone.

Now here I am, 1am at night, holding James' hand in a uncomfortable hospital chair. They want to keep him overnight, they said he should be fine but just in case the drugs have a bad effect on him. Turns out the guy used a date rape drug, thank god James texted me when he did.

I fall asleep on the chair from exhaustion but I am constantly awoken by nightmares of James' vulnerable body just laying there for that guy to abuse.

-8am Saturday morning-

James was being discharged today, last night he slept the whole time, still effected by the drugs. Today I could tell he was different. He was shaky and he was barely talking, constantly holding onto my arm, I'm glad I was at least here to help him and make him feel safe.

"Hey would you want me to stay the night with you?" I ask, I really want to be there for him right now.

"I'll be okay Grayson, but thank you" he replies, I know he's lying, he's definitely not going to be okay but I guess if he wants space than I can't force him to let me take care of him.

We sit in the cab that takes us home in silence. James rests his head on my shoulder, his eyes wide open, I can tell he's thinking deeply. I wish he would just talk to me but I know it's not that easy to talk about traumatising experiences like that.

It hurts to let him walk to his house all alone as I watch from the taxi window.

-2pm on Saturday evening- 3 months after the incident-

Me and James haven't really talked much since the accident, he hasn't talked much to anyone. I heard he's going to therapy, probably a good idea; it just sucks he feels that he has to block everybody out to recover.

"Dinner tonight at my place kitty girls! I got somebody I want you to meet" James puts in the 'sister squad' group chat. Who the hell does he want us to meet? I guess all these months he's not been pushing 'everyone' away. I feel angry at myself, angry that I didn't do more to help him and maybe that could of been me with him now. Oh who am I kidding? First I would have to admit I was gay which I am not ready for.

"Sounds good" I reply, kind of blunt but at least he'll know I'm turning up.

Without James in the equation, me and Ethan have been hanging around with Emma more, even Ian sometimes, though I don't exactly get along the best with him. He's just somebody who I clash with, personality wise. In the last 3 months Emma and him have been hooking up, as in, just having sex and nothing else. I know Emma likes him but all Ian does is go hang out with other girls and ignores her. She really doesn't deserve that but if I told what I thought it would just make her want to be with him more to prove me wrong.

As Emma's been hanging out with us more I've also noticed how Ethan has grown closer with her. Spending more time alone with her but I'm pretty sure nothing serious has gone down between them. Mainly because I know Ethan is way too scared to make any first moves. He acts confident all the time but when it comes to love, he becomes this shy mouse who doesn't know what to say. It's probably the reason he's never had a serious girlfriend and he's not one to sleep around, unlike me (even if all my attempts aren't successful).