blocked (texts sequel)

forgive & forget?

Sienna's POV

It's almost as if nothing had changed. It feels as if we are still in love, still taking spontaneous trips to Hawaii and spending new adventures together. 

As we sit on a rock somewhere down the beach, I start to really think about everything.

I do still love him.

But we haven't been in love for a very long time. My mind is in an endless jumble of feelings and confusion when it comes to him. Grayson Dolan, the boy I have been head over heels for since before he even knew my name, is trying to win me back right now. 

The same Grayson Dolan that told me he loved me.

The same Grayson Dolan that took my virginity.

The same Grayson Dolan that cheated on me.

The same Grayson Dolan that broke my heart. Many times.

And even through everything, I still think he deserves another chance. A third chance. I know he's not the easiest option, and he most definitely isn't the most reliable option but... love is never easy.

"Sienna?" Grayson chuckles softly, nudging my side with his elbow, "You were kinda zoning out."

"Oh shit, sorry."

He shrugs, picking at the rock beneath us.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Us." I bite down on my bottom lip gently, staring at the sand.

"'Us' now, or 'us' in the past?"

"A little bit of both. More like, wishing us now could be more like us in the past." I say, "I'm not sure if that makes any sense."

"I get what you mean. You're saying you wish we could go back to the way we were."

"Exactly."

"But... you don't think that's possible."

"It's not that I don't think it's possible... I just..." I hesitate, "I'm not sure if I'm willing to try again. I don't know if it's worth the risk."

"I get what you mean. Can I... say something?"

"Go at it."

"I didn't just break up with you to be a dick... I broke up with you because I felt like, I was only holding you back. Like, I kept hurting you and you deserved so much better and I felt so guilty. And I thought, well if I break it off now she won't be hurt in the long run. She'll get over me and I'll get over her and... there you go! But... I was wrong. I didn't realize how much I loved you. Until after you were gone. And now, I still fucking love you and I can't go on knowing I was the one who let you go for no good reason. I hurt the both of us by breaking up with you. We could have been happy together for so much longer." He lets out a breath once he's done, as if he's dropping something off his chest.

I take it all in for a long moment. 

Then something inside of me switches, and I can't tell if I want to cry or break his nose.

So I slap him. 

Then I start yelling.

"Fuck, Grayson. Do you know how much I fucking cared for you? Do you know how long I spent kicking myself for pushing you away? I was so confused, I started to think I did something wrong. Like... It was my fucking fault you broke my heart. ALL I NEEDED WAS A REASON. SOMETHING. My FATHER died and then my ONLY friend in the entire fucking world left me. YOU LEFT ME SO CONFUSED AND ALONE. And now you come back here with your perfect fucking everything and your perfect personality and just tell me 'I WANT YOU BACK ACTUALLY'. And the FACT that I want YOU back makes me want to jump off a fucking cliff because you're a fucking asshole. You're a fucking asshole that doesn't deserve a third chance. And FUCK YOU. Okay, FUCK YOU for making me want to give you another chance and coming here with all this stupid shit about being too good for you and FUCK YOU."

"Are you done?"

I nod slightly, tears welling up in my waterline. He sighs before wrapping an arm around my waist, rubbing up and down my back while I sob.

"Why am I so in love with you?" I whisper.

I look up at him to find him staring at the water, tears trickling down his cheeks. He wipes them before he thinks I see them but it's too late.

My hand reaches for the side of his face, the tips of my fingers lost in his hair. Then, I'm connecting our lips in a kiss.

A kiss that tells him, this is our last chance.