Beauty of Brokenness💔

Chapter 5

"Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you"
       - 1 Peter 5:7

Chapter 5

I wake up na ang lamig at nanginginig ang katawan ko nhihirapan din akong huminga parang may sumasakal sa akin. I was in my room and feeling so not well, I tried to seat in the bed but my head is aching to death can somebody help me! Since kasi na umuwi ako dito ng Christmas break namin ako nalang lahat gumagawa ng gawaing bahay at sobrang nakakapagod kaya tuloy nilagnat ako at para pang nawawala ang kaluluwa ko sa ginaw.

"Oh! Gising kana pala, okay naba pakiramdam mo?"
My Mama was so worried about me.

Hindi na ako sumagot kasi parang di ko magets ang mga nangyari. Did I pass out?
Hinawakan ni Mama and ulo ko at tinantya kong mainit paba ako.

"Mainit ka parin, teka lang at kukuha ulit ako ng gamot para bumaba ang lagnat mo." Sabi ni Mama.

Akmang aalis na siya ng hawakan ko ang kamay niya.

"M-Ma, S-salamat." At ngumiti ako sa kanya.

Mama smiled at me with an bright one. Sometimes I was asking myself why I need to suffer such things, why I was been like this. But still the hatred inside of my soul keep it's place and I can't just pull it back.

I close my eyes and let my tears fall down nonstop, Bakit kasi kailangan ko pang maramdaman ang mga bagay na ito. Can I live without this sadness? Can I?

****

When Mama came back, may dala na siyang basong tubig at gamot and I saw my sister carring a hot noddles, my favorite. Kapag kasi nagkasakit ako ito yong palagi kong kinakain at mawawala na ang ginaw ko.

Sana may sakit nalang ako palagi para aalagaan nila ako ng ganito. Sana ganito silang lahat palagi kasi tuwing nagkakasakit ako sa dorm ko ako lang gumagamot sa sarili ko.

Nagpagaling ako kasi yon ang sabi ni Mama buti nga hindi umiimik si Papa na tutunganga lang ako buong maghapon at matutulog kasi kung hindi kahit siguro malapit na akong mamatay pagtatrabahuin pa nila ako. Hayy!!! Such a life!!

*****

Natapos ang Christmas break at balik skwela na naman at buti nalang naging maayos na ang pakiramdam ko kaya papasok na ako at nang matapos na ang araw nato. I'm on my way to my first subject at bigla nalang may bumati sakin.

"Good morning Clyn!" The voice said at ng tingnan ko it's the famous Harley.

"What's good in the morning?"
I ask him since masakit pa ang katawan ko at pagod ako sa byahe kaninang umaga.

"Tama nga sila masungit kana, since your friends betrayed you. Well, the morning is good cause it's another day that God created to us and because He loved us." He replay with emphasis of LOVE from God.

"Tsk! Whatever, and don't talk to me where not friends and I don't talk to strangers." I hiss and glare at him.

"Awhss!! We've been classmates since first year and still you find me as a stranger? Why?" He act like he really hurt and I find it so weird, he is famous in our school and I can't even think now why he is infront of me talking like we are close to each other.

"Well, simply because you never talked with me before, and I hope you know that. We never been closed, so just stay away from me because I'm in a hurry." I hiss at him and start walking towards him.

"Our first subject instructor was not around since the faculty is having meeting right now." He said and I was taken a back for it.

I want to rest, pagod ako sa byahe kaninang madaling araw at gusto ko pang matulog. Akmang babalik na sana ako sa dorm ng nagsalita siya ulit.

"You know, you have potential in singing and your voice is awesome, I like it! When I heard you singing I was amazed with your voice." He was smiling at all times when he saying those words.

"I will take that as a compliment but it's not what you think I'm good cause if it is then, why they didn't see it in me." He look puzzled and that I decided to leave him.

Am I good? Why does my family didn't see it in me? Why they keep on ignoring me and why they look me down right away? All my life I've done a lot to make them proud of me pero sadyang walang epekto sa kanila ang lahat ng pinaghirapan ko. Ang masakit pa pinamumukha nila sakin na kailan man hindi ako magiging karapatdapat na puriin, sino ba ako? I'm only a shadow to my sister, nothing more nothing less.

Kahit kailan ang mga talento ko ay isa lang hangin sa kanila, masakit isipin na buti pa yong ibang tao nakikita kong anong potential ang mayroon ako. Sana lang isang araw magiging sila rin mapansin ako.

Di ko napapansin tumulo na pala ang mga luha ko, ang mga luhang tanging saksi sa lahat ng paghihirap ko. God! Umiiyak na naman ako hindi na ata nauubos ang luha ko. Kakapagod na eh, yong feeling na mas maganda pa na matulog ka nalang at di na gigising pa, para wala ng sakit na maramdaman mo. Sana nga...

Nang makarating ako sa dorm agad akong humiga sa kama, I close my eyes and let myself relax kasi masakit parin ang katawan ko. Zzzzzzz...

*****

Nagising ako ng may narinig akong boses at kumakanta ito. Hmmm saan to galing, nang tingnan ko ito nasa kabilang kwarto at they are singing a song for God, I guess!

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that save a wretched like me ohhhh ohhhhhhhhh
I once was lost but now I'm found was blind but now I see...
Oh I can see you now...
I can see the LOVE in your eyes...

I was amazed with the voice it was wonderful and the song was something, I don't know!

Duhh!! Whatever! I stood up and head myself to the kitchen it's lunch time so I need to eat baka mahimay na naman ako at magkaroon pa ako ng sangkatutak na attention sa school. So much for this day, hayyy Bakit kaya dikit ang kamalasan sa akin? Di naman kami friend eh.! Please lang kamalasan layuan muna ako, pagod na pagod na ako. I just want to be loved and to graduate with this katangan ko. Please.... Just let me be in a place where I can think of peace and happiness.

Sometimes what bothered me is having such life with nothing left for me, I was happy then but it came up like this, having a wasted life and having this anger and hatred inside of me. I was hoping someone can heal this broken heart of mine.

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To God be all the Glory..!!