dead | ethan dolan

me too

chapter thirty seven
——mackenzie's pov
march 7th, 2019

"mom. can i?" i turned back to look at her.
my mother set her fork down.
"sweetie, we're guests of quinn and john tonight."
"i know but-"
"it's my birthday." ethan interrupted.
"oh, happy birthday." john said.

"thank you. i just got a car, and i thought maybe mackenzie and i could get a coffee or something?" he said hopefully.
i couldn't even hide my smile.

my mother raised an eyebrow, not believing the coffee story. but what'd she think i was going to do? it was just a drive.
"please mom?" i reached for my coat. "it's his birthday."

she looked at dr.nathanson, who nodded.
was she consulting him with decisions now? god, i really had to get out of here.
"very well then. drop her off before ten." she looked at ethan who grinned.
"will do." he replied.
"thanks! bye guys!" i rushed to get out of there.

outside, i jumped in the brand-new jeep with its dealer plates and had barely inhaled that new car smell before he whipped out of the driveway so fast that the tires squealed. he slammed the brakes and swallowed.
"sorry."
"it's fine. let's just get out of here." i smiled.

he hit the gas and we were gone. i had wanted out of there so badly that i actually felt like we were on the run. once again, ethan was my white knight. i closed my eyes as he took a right and drove farther up the hill. i guessed he really had been lying about the coffee. we were not headed downtown. i felt a skitter of excitement and apprehension. where, exactly, was he taking me?

"what was going on there?" he asked.
"that? that was a nightmare," i told him.
i looked at his profile. his perfect, handsome profile, and suddenly it hit me. i was in a car alone with ethan dolan. who cared where he was taking me? it was his birthday, and he'd gotten a car, and he'd come to me. not one of his random hook-ups, not one of his friends, but me. i was actually talking to him again. saying words instead of sending texts. and it felt normal. comfortable. exhilarating, but not at all awkward. and suddenly i wanted to tell him everything.

"my moms trying to make me bond with quinn. i think she and john are getting serious."
"wow. that...really sucks, right?"
"yeah. i guess. i don't know."

he made a left, and suddenly i realized where we were going. the country club. more specifically, the lake at the country club. i hadn't been there in forever, but i knew no one went there during the winter unless they were going to park in the dirt lot by the boathouse and make out.

suddenly i couldn't breathe. i pressed my sweaty palms into the thighs of my jeans, feeling light headed. we were both silent until ethan pulled into the deserted lot facing the wide-open lake. he put the car in park, but didn't turn off the engine. he kind of slumped back against the seat and looked out at the water.

"so," i said. "happy birthday."
"thanks," he replied. "sorry about just coming over like that. i didn't think—"
"that you'd be interrupting the pseudo-family dinner from hell?" i asked.
"yeah." he took a deep breath and ran his hands up and down the steering wheel. he glanced at me tentatively. "hey, have you heard from your dad at all?"

another car was driving up the road, its headlights flashing in ethan's side mirror. it turned and parked at the other end of the lot, the couple inside probably wanting their privacy.

"nope," i said, my heart heavy. "it's like he doesn't even remember we exist. he didn't even call on my mom's birthday or anything.
i have no idea where he is." i let out a short laugh. "how bizarre is that? i don't know where my father is." there was a long moment of silence. ethan chewed a bit on his bottom lip. there was something weirdly tense about him.

"do you think he'd come back if he knew? i mean, if he knew your mom and mr.nathanson were..."
my heart squeezed. "i don't know. maybe. i have all these daydreams about it. like i'll walk out of school one day and he'll be standing there and he'll hug me and ask me where she is. and then i'll tell him all about her and john and we'll run into the school together and catch them, like, kissing in her office or something and my dad'll freak out and punch john in the face and tell him to stay away from his wife. it's all very dramatic."
ethan laughed and i blushed.

"i know. it's stupid." i shook my head, looking down at my hands. i'd never told anyone about that daydream before.
"it's not. i get it."
"anyway. that'll never happen. i guess i just have to get used to the idea of my mom and john. together."

tears filled my eyes and i stopped. i felt like an idiot. "i'm sorry. you don't want to hear this stupid shit," i said. "it's your birthday."
"no. i-i wouldn't rather spend it any other way." he replied. i felt my whole body heat up.

i took a deep breath, gazing out at the placid surface of the water. across the lake, the window wall on the ballroom of the country club glowed with yellow light. a thousand memories of late night parties with my parents, of sack races by the lake on summer club day, of swimming races in the pool with my friends, suddenly flooded my mind. my heart was full of all the things that i'd had to give up. things that, clearly, i was never going to have again.

"i really never thought i'd be back here."
suddenly ethan's fingers closed over mine. my heart completely stopped. he turned his hand so that it was under mine, our palms touching, and laced our fingers together. every nerve ending in my body was in that hand.

"mackenzie."
he said my name almost like a plea. i looked into his eyes.
"i know, me too." i said simply.

and then we kissed.
and it was just as amazing as i'd always imagined it to be.

————
it FINALLY happened guys
please vote!
comment your thoughts on this chapter :)
i love you all<3
[1092 words]
-m
————