You're Beautiful

Chapter 3

Yuuri

   Two things I've learned living with Viktor Nikiforov.
1. LOOK YOUR DOOR!!! ALWAYS!!
2.There have been very few times the man has been met with a negative emotion that he couldn't repress and smile through.

   Another thing I forget to mention, Viktor is oblivious when it comes to emotions. Sometimes he's good but, most of the time it's pretty hard for him to understand. So naturally he didn't notice that I had been crying. That might have been partially my fault though.

I'm good at hiding my emotions.

   It's a skill I practically mastered back in Detroit. Whenever I was sad or my anxiety was a bit too hightened, I would try to push it out of my mind for as long as possible. I know, not the most healthy way to deal with it. Hey, if it works, it works.
     I mostly did that for Phichit's sake. He knows now, obviously. Back when I first met him though, I didn't want him to worry about my dumb life problems, so I would just avoid them like a seventh grader avoids math homework. Wow, that was an analogy.
Ugh, I don't know what's going on with me right now. I hate lying to Viktor, but I also hate it when he's stressed. So no matter what I do I'll still end up being upset.
    I get changed fairly quickly. T-shirt, pants, nothing fancy. I collect myself and put on my best "I can totally handle today" face to greet Viktor for the second time today.

"You seem awfully chipper today." Viktor looked me up and down.

   Oh crap he's catching on! I don't know what's  worse, the fact that he might figure me out, or the fact that he just said 'chipper'. Ok Yuuri, play it off, umm umm, act like it's about you birthday.

"Well you know, it is getting to be around that time of the month."

    WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT YUURI!!! Why in God's name would you think that was a good idea. Oh my heckin heck. Quick say something else! Oh no he's looking at you! Oh lord oh lord oh lord oh lor-

"Hahahahaha! That is single handedly the best thing I have EVER heard!"

"Viktor. What I meant wa-"

"I know what you meant." He pulled me in close to him and kissed the top of my forehead.
"Now, let's get something for breakfast. Even though it's almost noon." He began to walk.

   Good save Yuuri, even though you did nothing at all. I start to walk with him but something was stopping me. Then there was a horrible ringing in my ears.

Disgrace

    I can't move. I'm standing in the middle of the hallway and I can't move. I can't move my legs. I can't move my arms. I can't move my head. The only thing I can move is my mouth. I'm too scared to speak though in fear it may come out as a stutter. Suddenly I feel a terrible wave of cold come over me. I recognize this as similar to one of my panic attacks, but this one is different. I feel no urge to cry. I feel no need to curl up in a ball on the floor. There is no voice that tells me to scream, even though I know all that will manage to escape my mouth is a defeated whimper. The only thing I feel is dread. Dread, not over one thing in particular, but an overall sense of impending doom. I also feel stiff. I start to tremble. My vision slowly fades to black. My hearing also starts to fade. The last thing I hear before it's all drowned out by a loud ring, is Viktor calling my name. Then I am submerged into darkness. Dreadful, cold, and stiff.

~~~•~~~

Once my vision and hearing came back to me I realized that Viktor was carrying me down the stairs bridal style. He's warm, so I have no objections. I hug his chest tightly to try and find some semblance of warmth. It works, slightly. My feet still feel as though they have been frozen and are now a block of ice, but for the most part I'm warm.
Viktor sets me down on a chair. He puts me down ever so carefully as if the lightest touch could force me to shatter. Honestly, he's not wrong to assume that. I watch him sit down. His face looks unshaken, but his eyes tell the truth. His eyes look as though he has just seen the one he loves more than anyone die fifteen times over. I feel like crap as he begins to speak.

"Yuuri, I need you to answer honestly, are you ok?"

It was at this moment that I realized Viktor has never witnessed one of my panic attacks. Like Phichit he knows I have them, but unlike Phichit he's never seen one, so I could lie and say that I just had a random panic attack. Instead, I decide to tell him this...

"I just got really cold. Then the blood rushed to my head and a got a little disoriented. That's all."

I feel like a trash can for lying. At least it wasn't a complete lie. I didn't want him to worry. He looks skeptical, but he doesn't question me. I'm thankful for that.

He gets us breakfast. Well, he gets me breakfast, he gets a sandwich for himself. I decide to eat even though I feel like throwing up. Probably best not to worry Viktor anymore than I have. I eat what I can before I almost can't even look at the food without vomiting. Which honestly isn't much, a little of this, some of that. A little bit of everything so I look like I'm ok. Finally, Viktor speaks up.

"So, what do you want to do today."