The whole concept of god may seem extremely silly to some, but to others a god might just be their whole life. They dedicate their life for someone they don't know. It seems crazy but as to why I believe in god confuses some.
I believe in god because it's my last hope.
Going through a deep spiral of depression and darkness the Bible and this MAN I didn't know seemed like the only way out.
Having that hope that maybe he had a plan or that I was worth something to someone kept me going.
There was obviously a hole in me and I tried everything to get rid of it. But I was left empty and confused. Having the thought that i was made special and that what I am is not completely wrong and that I was meant to be me. It gave me hope.
Some type of hope.
It kept me from slipping into the rough, large hands of demons and the devil under me. Pulling at my leg and constantly telling me I'm nothing and that I should let them consume me.
I feel my throat get heavy and when I'm with my therapist no words come out. The lump in my throat and then burning on my legs and throat.
It felt like my inner demons wanted me to keep everything a secret.
I'm constantly scared that if I tell I'll get some type of "punishment"
I guess that's why I believe in god.
I WANT to be able to believe it can get better.
But with the dragging on and all these tears I'm not quite sure anymore.
I know in the future I won't care but damn it hurts NOW.
This is something old I wrote about god. It's sad I've lost hope but reading this again makes me want to try again
