And then she was gone...

Chapter 6

"So you haven't got a clue who is doing this?" Cheryl asked, taking a sip of her wine. She refused to drink, not wanting Simon to relapse, but he insisted on her having a glass of wine.

"No. I wish I would, so I could stop this. I'm so done with this. It's already bad enough that she's gone. The person who does this is just crazy. It's cruel," Simon said and wiped away a small tear.

"I mean... I miss her terribly and I really wish she'd come back and the stuff that's happening makes it only worse. It's like every day I wake up to that smell, my heart just hopes she has come back to me, but she never does. She's dead and she has been for a few months now. I should be getting over her, not being the mess I am," Simon said and Cheryl realized how bad this whole situation affected him.

"Do you want to talk?" Cheryl offered what little comfort she could provide. Simon hadn't felt like talking about what happened. It wasn't easy talking about something that haunted his dreams. He had never been the person to rely on other people.

"Yes," he said weakly "I think I'd like that."

"Every person keeps telling me how I just need to move on, how I just need to get on with my life. That's what she would have wanted. They didn't know her like I did. All these people think they knew Amanda, but they didn't. They haven't been there during her last few months. They haven't lived through the horror I have," Simon said and had a hard time controlling his anger. Tears were falling freely now.

"What are you talking about?" Cheryl asked, not understanding what Simon was trying to say.

Simon, who had been pacing up and down the living room, sat down next to Cheryl and rubbed his hands over his face. He needed to calm down. This wasn't doing him any good.

"She had been having nightmares for a few months before it all started. She'd wake up screaming every night. She barely slept more than a few hours a night and that had been going on for at least a year. She has been the though one on the outside but when we'd come home... she was like a completely new person," he said and all of a sudden his voice was laced with so much vulnerability that it made Cheryl's heart ache.

Simon had never told anybody about this. Amanda didn't want people to know about this and so he had kept quiet even after her passing.

"She was suffering from panic attacks and manic episodes. She was hallucinating and we went to many different doctors but Amanda stopped going there after a while. I just wanted to help her so I was there. Every damn day. Every time she'd scream somebody else's name. I accepted that she didn't want to tell me what this was about. I didn't pressure her. Now I wish I did," Simon said and sighed deeply.

It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he could finally breathe again.

"I'm so sorry... Why didn't you tell anyone?" Cheryl said and was trying to understand the words that had come out of Simon's mouth. She hadn't even realized any of these signs and she had seen Amanda more often then both women liked.

"Amanda didn't want anybody to know... and I respected her wish," he said and just shook his head.

"And now she's dead and I can't help but feel like it could have been prevented if I had just forced her to go to one of the doctors," Simon said and Cheryl placed her hand on his back in an attempt to soothe him.

"It's not your fault... Whatever happened, happened for a reason. She had her reasons for not telling you," Cheryl said and wanted to take away Simon's pain, but she knew she couldn't.

"I don't know if I can believe this. Of course, she had her reasons but I can't help but feel like they had something to do with her death," he said and reached for Cheryl's glass of wine. He really needed a drink. Just one. It wouldn't be bad.

"No, Simon I don't think that's a good idea," Cheryl said and moved the glass away from him, dowing it within seconds.

"Yeah, you're probably right. I'm sorry," he said and she just shook her head. 

"There is nothing to be sorry for," she said softly and pulled him in for a tight embrace. She didn't what to say or do. Her friend was hurting and had finally confined in somebody and she didn't know how to react.

"Look, I can stay over for a while if you'd like that. Then you aren't alone in case something like that ever happenes again," Cheryl offered but she knew that it wouldn't help the overall situation.

"Yes, that would be wonderful," he said and even though he didn't like her that much, the day had made him realize that there might be more to her than he had always thought.

"We'll figure out who is doing this and this person is going to pay for it," Cheryl said and Simon nodded slowly.

"I just want this to stop and go on with my life. If that means letting her go, then I will. I can't keep going like this," he said and finally admitted how bad it had affected him. He needed this to stop or he'd join Amanda sooner than planned.

"What do you think about this... We'll clean out her things tomorrow. You can keep whatever means a lot to you and the rest will be stored somewhere else until you have figured out what to do with it," Cheryl said and he nodded again.

It was about time...

---

I am so sorry for not writing anything. It's just... Idk but somehow my dedication to this ship has been dying down and I haven't been up to writing about them but now I am. I hope this lasts long enough for me to give you one good story before I'll go officialy.