And then she was gone...

Chapter 2

It's been my first day back and it was damn difficult for me. Everything reminds me of her. I look at her dressing room door for the last time before I walk back to my car. Why does this have to be so hard? Why can't I just get over her?

Okay, this was bullshit Simon. You would be an ass if you already had a new girlfriend. I don't ever want to date anybody else! She was my everything and now she is gone. I will never be able to get over her. Nobody will ever replace her or the hole she has left inside of me.

"Simon?" Alesha asks and I turn to look at her, stopping on my way out. "Yeah?" I say and she runs over to me. "I just wanted to make sure you are okay before you go," she says and I smile at her. "I am fine, thanks," I say even though I am not.

"And now the truth," she says and I sigh. "You caught me," I say and throw my hands in the air. "I am not fine. It's been a hard day and I miss her even more now that I am confronted with her every day. I am not sure how long it will take me to be comfortable with being back but at the moment it feels like this moment will never come."

"I know how you feel. She was such a huge part of this and now she just isn't here anymore. My first day back was terrible. I imagined her walking around the corner every minute, laughing about some joke somebody has made, but she never did. Eventually I got over it and life went on. You can't mourn all your life. I know it sounds like I'm a bitch, but you'll get over her," she says and I smile.

"You don't sound like a bitch. You sound like a sweet and caring friend who tries to make her friend feel better and I am thankful for that," I say and hug her before I kiss the top of her head. "I just wish she would've had a bit more time..."

She smiles at me sadly and says, "Believe me... We all do," she says and I nod my head. She truly had great friends... Alesha tears up and I can tell she is not completly over it. She misses her as much as I do. She just wants to be brave and strong for everybody who isn't.

"You know... You don't have to be strong. You can show weakness. We all do and sometimes it helps you a lot," I say before I kiss her cheek and leave her standing there to think about what I just said.

I drive home to find it as lonely as I left it this morning. It hurts to get home to an empty house. No music, no laughter and no Amanda... She always filled the house with life and now that she is gone it went back to being empty.

I walk towards the fridge and the bottle of vodka will be my only company tonight. I am not in the mood to see anybody right now. It's hard enough to be in the studios... I need to gain my strenght back to face another painful day.

I begin to drink and one glass turns into two and then into the whole bottle. By the time I finished drinking I can't really walk so I decide to just stay on the couch and sleep here. "God my head hurts," I say before I slowly drift of to sleep.

I open my eyes to see Amanda standing in front of me. She smiles at me and strokes my cheek softly. "Hey honey," she says and tears roll down her face. I can't believe it's her. She sits next to me and I try to sit up, but the headache is killing me.

"Don't. It will only make your head hurt more. You have drunken quite a bit," she says and chuckles. "I didn't know you are a drinker," she says and smiles at me. God I have missed that gorgeous smile. And the sweet scent of her perfume is making my smile even more.

"That's because I'm not... I just missed you so much. I thought I would never see you again. And being back on BGT hurt so much. Everything around there reminds me of you and what I lost," I say and tears make their way down my face.

"Shhh. It's good Simon... You'll feel better as soon as you start letting me go," she says and tears make their way down her face as well. I start to shake my head and say, "But I don't want to let go of you! I love you Manda and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you!"

"You will find somebody you can spend the rest of your life with. I am sure of that," she says but I just shake my head. "But I don't want to spend my life with somebody else... I will never fall in love with somebody else. I promise you that," I say and she just shakes her head.

"You will...You will baby... And I will be there to watch over you," she says and looks me deep into the eyes. "Just remember that I've loved you and you'll be okay... You need to let go of me. I am not here anymore. So you need to start looking for somebody who can make you happy," she says and kisses my lips softly.