Rose Petals - Elder McKinley x Male!Reader

Chapter Nine

You felt numb as you walked back to the mission hut, Cunningham and Nabalungi walking beside you, their arms intertwined. You cursed yourself, knowing you should be feeling something - sadness, guilt, anger, but you felt absolutely nothing. Nothing besides of course, a weight on your shoulders that wasn't there, and the feeling of the world slowing down to a near halt. You opened the familiar door, the blue paint still peeling off slowly.

Everyone was sitting around the dinner table, chatting loudly, but it all stopped when they saw the three of you. You finally looked up from the ground. "Mafala is, um, dead," you said in a cracked and aching voice, your usual nervous ticks of rubbing your hands or fixing your hair completely gone. They all stopped, looking around at each other with solemn faces. "It... was it the disease?" Elder Michaels asked. It was the first time you'd heard him speak in a while. "Yeah," Cunningham answered quietly, leading Nabalungi into the hut. You closed the door behind them.

"Nabalungi, I'm so sorry. Please sit," McKinley got up from his seat, offering it to her, and his meal. "Thank you Elder," she murmured, staring at the plate in front of her. Cunningham sat next to her. McKinley walked up to you then, very hesitantly. "Are you feeling alright?" He asked, his hands folded in front of him. "... No," you answered honestly, the first time in a while. McKinley said something, but you didn't hear him. He led you outside, and the two of you sat on the small bench on the patio.

"I didn't know he meant so much to you," McKinley murmured, resting a comforting hand on your shoulder. "No. I mean, yeah, he did... he meant a lot. I just... I- I can't believe he's gone," you said, choking out a sob. "Hey, hey... it's gonna be okay," he pulled your hands away from your face, holding them in his own. "This too shall pass, like all else."

For the next month, you worked without complaint. McKinley didn't approach you to talk about your shared kiss, or your fainting episode, so you didn't talk about it either; it faded from your memory. Despite this, you often found consolidation in him, allowing yourself rare moments of weakness to speak with him. Nobody talked much about anything, all too absorbed in their own ways of coping with loss to find comfort in each other. For you, it felt like the world was crashing down upon you, and though you saw this coming and did everything in your power to avoid it, you had lost your faith. Every day was a dull, monotonous drone, nearly an exact copy of the day before. As another few months passed, everyone around you seemed to heal much faster than you, leaving you behind to cope however you could.

During this time, you started to talk with Nabalungi a lot more. She seemed to understand, what with Mafala being her father. You felt guilty for a while, for feeling this way, when you hadn't known him as long as Nabalungi, or had as close of a bond. When you told her this, she said she didn't mind - that it was nice to have someone to talk to.

Mafala's burial also took place. It was, according to tradition, supposed to be a celebration, to celebrate his life and remember how he was when he was living. There was dancing, and traditional music, but you couldn't find it in yourself to dance with Nabalungi. He was buried a bit outside of the small village, in a small graveyard where those who had lots of family were buried. You brought him flowers when you could.

Currently, it was nighttime. A few of the Elders were on the floor in front of the couch you sat on, playing some kind of board game. You'd been invited to play, but you declined in favor of watching. You felt the couch sink beside you, and you turned to see Elder McKinley. You looked away from him.

"Can we talk in private?" He tugged your arm lightly. "Sure," you said simply, and followed him. He pulled down the stairs to the attic, which confused you, but you followed him. As the two of you entered the attic, he sat down on one of the storage boxes, and patted the one beside him. You sat on that one.

"How are you feeling?" He started off, crossing his legs in a rather feminine way. "Want me to get right into it?" You asked, glancing up at him with your head lowered. "Sure," he said. "I've never lost anyone before, and I know this is stupid, but... I feel alone," you began, rubbing your hands together anxiously. "Ah. Well, we've all lost somebody. Elder Poptarts lost his sister to cancer. It'll get better with time," he said, wrapping an arm around you. This time, you didn't move to shrug it off. You didn't move at all. "I'm just very worried about you. You're working excellently, don't get me wrong, I've just noticed you aren't as talkative. Or as bright. Which is entirely understandable," he put a hand on your thigh, and suddenly that fluttering feeling you got before all of this happened, returned.

"Oh, um, yeah," you said nervously, staring at his hand. He didn't seem to notice your sudden change in attitude. "I know you need time, but I want to offer my support. If you need anything, I'm right here," he gave you a patient smile. You awkwardly smiled back, still focusing intently on his hand. You were both quiet for a while.

"This is... probably a bad time, but... are you still having gay thoughts?" He scooted a bit closer. "Well... yes and no," you said uneasily, eyes darting around the room. "What's that mean?" He scooted even closer, so now both your thighs and torso were touching. "Yes," you said accidentally. "I'd like to remind you that being gay is okay," McKinley gave you a smile, to which you were unable to return. "Yeah.. no, I know that," you said quietly.

"McKinley, I-"

"Connor," he said, eyes darting between the ground and your face. "My first name, it's Connor."

"Oh. That's.. a nice name," you murmured, still trying to avoid looking directly at his face. "Anyway, you were saying?" He gestured for you to continue. "Right... I just wanted to say.. it's more of a confession I guess. I also guess you sort of.. might've found out already?" Finally, you looked directly into his face. Of course, he was just as good looking as before, with his bright blue eyes and freckled skin. He was smiling. "I just- I want to get this over with, so you can just say no, and I can finally move on with my life," you pulled away from his grip, standing up and pacing in front of him. "Say no to what?" He gave a slight laugh, watching you as you moved.

You were quiet, but you kept pacing, wringing your hands as your heart cracked away at your ribs. McKinley stood up after watching you for a while, trying to get you to stop. "(Y/N), I don't want you freaking out on me again," he chuckled nervously, trying to keep up with your pace. "I'm not freaking out, I'm just nervous," you said quickly, flexing your hands. "I think that's pretty much the same thing with you," he grumbled, still trying to get you to sit down. This continued for a few minutes.

"(Y/N)!" McKinley said in such a demanding tone that you stopped right in your tracks. "If you keep this up you're gonna wear a hole where you're walking," he flitted over you, leading you to sit back down, this time on a stack of spare mattresses. "Now will you just fess up to whatever's bothering you?"

"I like you a lot! Like, a lot a lot, like not like a friend, kind of romantic wise!" You confessed quickly, closing your eyes tight and hiding your face in your hands. He was quiet. "(Y/N), you already told me that," he giggled, and took your hands in his own. "W-What? I did?"

"Yeah, you were freaking out, and you 'accidentally' let slip that you were feeling gay for me, and then I kissed you. Don't you remember?"

Vaguely, you recalled that happening. Mostly how much you embarrassed yourself. "Oh... yeah. I forgot. That happened a while ago," you grumbled, blushing a deep red. "Oh gosh, you're awful cute when you blush," McKinley noted thoughtlessly, staring at you with a dumb smile.

"O-Oh," you said, your voice cracking from either anxiety or shame. "You're cute... all the time," you mumbled, looking away from him. You heard him chuckle, and your heart fluttered once more. "Thank you," he murmured, resting his forehead on your shoulder. You both stayed in that position, you barely breathing, much less moving in fear of disturbing the beautiful man on your shoulder. There were no windows, no clocks in the attic, so you had no sense of how much time had passed. It was quiet downstairs, though. Dead silent actually.

"(Y/N)?" You heard him mumble, and he shifted so his lips were now pressed against your shoulder. "Y-Yes?" You answered, still feeling rather embarrassed. He took a deep breath, and exhaled. You shivered slightly as the heat hit the skin of your neck.

"Sleep with me. Just stay the night here, we don't have to do anything."

"... Okay."