Incidents

Ch8: The Final Incident

The late night air filled their lungs and the luminescing city lights flared as they hailed the first taxi they could find, rushing in both boys fought the urge to touch each other too much while in the backseat, the alcohol coursing through their veins. Exhilaration, excitement, anticipation swept through them both as their hearts pounded wildly in their chests and finally, after what felt like an eternity of finding it in their drunken state, they stumbled into their room, ignoring the stares and murmurs of others around them and almost forgetting to shut the door, their heated bodies pressed against one another in a desperate attempt to take in as much of each other as humanly possible. Ian was slowly leading them to the direction of his bed while passionately kissing his longtime best friend when a voice in his head forced him to acknowledge what he had been trying his damn well hardest to ignore.

He’s using you.

He doesn’t love you.

He said so himself.

Ian suddenly forced himself out of the kiss, still gripping onto Anthony’s shoulders, only his trembling gaze was now to the ground.

“Ian? Ian… what’s wrong?” Anthony asked. He worriedly tried to look in his eyes but the shorter man’s fringe made it impossible to see his soft blue eyes.

“I-I can’t, Anthony.” He forced himself to tear away from his warm grasp, feeling the cold air of the room surround him, making him feel alone.

Anthony stood with his arms slowly falling, reeling from the loss of Ian’s warm body to feel, his mind trying to comprehend why he suddenly so blatantly rejected him.

“But… but why, Ian? I thought you wanted this.”

Ian tried to blink back the tears forming in his eyes.  

“Because… it doesn’t mean anything to you Anthony, when you know it means a lot more to me,” Ian heatedly replied back. He could feel himself tremble, but the poor boy tried his hardest to hold his ground.

The look of hurt on Anthony’s face was imminent, as he thought back to the scene from the restaurant and remembered his own words of rejection. There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted Ian, despite his previous words.

“I’m not letting you use me while you wait out for your next girlfriend. I’m sorry Anthony.” Ian was fighting through tears to get the words out, knowing he had to stop this before it escalated into something that would just end up hurting him, but it was difficult when he wanted Anthony this badly.

“Ian…” Anthony tried to move closer but stumbled slightly. He tried placing his fingers under Ian’s chin to lift his head to his, but Ian quickly turned his back to him, a small whimper escaping him as he did so.

It’s for the best.

Maybe he’s right and we’re better off as just friends

This is for the best.

But before his mind could try to win him over anymore with what he didn’t want to hear, he heard Anthony sniffling behind him and stopped. Ian turned to see an anguished look of guilt on Anthony’s face.

“Ian. I-I don’t know why I said those things,” Anthony whispered softly. “I think I was just… afraid.”

“Afraid of what, Anthony?” Ian blurted, trying to hold up his side of the argument but he just couldn’t hide the small crack in his voice.

“Afraid of… fuck, I dunno, I guess realizing something I thought for a long time I wasn’t.” He sighed heavily. “What I’m trying to say is…” Anthony was at a loss for words, but to Ian the look in his deep auburn eyes spoke louder than his actions.