Disclaimer: I am not an expert. SHOW Don'TELL interrupted my writing recently.
Example: Chills went up and down my spine. The Kid in me produces babbling squeals which erupts from my mouth. I do not believe I can refrain from giggling. Remaining still is not an option. Everyone is my friend.
The above paragraph exemplify one word maybe two - i.e. Excitement or Joy. The Emotion Thesurus by Ackerman and Puglisi renders further explanations of these words. Joy and excitement are mood words rather than filter words. However, the filter words felt, realized and knew were replaced.
Travel with me as we explore replacements for felt:
SHALLOW (Filter 0r Overused word): I felt cold.
DEEP POV (Replacement): The wind slapped my face with gusts of frozen pellets of air. My body shivered.
SHALLOW: I felt angry.
DEEP POV: My shoulders tightened as I clamped my hips with clenched fists. I snarled and marched forth glaring at Mark face to face.
SHALLOW: Chad felt awful because bad words were exchanged.
DEEP POV: Chad's stomach churned. his cheeks flushed grey and breath deepened . He regretted the words which were uttered.
SHALLOW: Charles felt nervous.
DEEP POV: Charles's limbs trembled. His heart skipped. He sunk down on one knee, pulled out a small jewelry box and stuttered, "You are my angel, you possess my heart and my life. Will you give me the honor of becoming my...
The next overused word is knew.
SHALLOW: She knew Mike stopped loving her.
DEEP POV: Mike had stopped loving her months ago.
SHALLOW: He sure knew how to dance.
DEEP POV: Wow. He twirled me around the floor as if I were a feather. He must be a pro.
SHALLOW: I knew he was hiding something from me.
DEEP POV: Cliff shifted the conversation in another direction when I asked about Veronica. He has dated her a long time.
DEEP POV: Matt glares at me. He said, "You are the most important person in my life." Am I having doubts?
SHALLOW: Jason knew he was wrong. He did not know how to say. "I'm sorry."
DEEP POV: Tears drizzled on Jason's shoulders. The solution required admitting he had assumed a wrong conclusion.
The final example is thought/think.
SHALLOW: When I touched her hand, I thought this is a mistake.
DEEP POV: I touched her hand, she jerked away - A big mistake!
SHALLOW: I'd better stop by the gym, Bobby thought. He met the girl of his dreams.
DEEP POV:, Olivia was sprinting on the treadmill. Bobby met the girl of his dreams.
SHALLOW: She was still thinking about Tyler. What went wrong?
DEEP POV: Tyler glared at me. What went wrong?
Author's Note: I am finishing my tenth book. (seventh novel) My current book was half completed before I discovered how to incorporate using SHOW DON'T TELL. I am rewriting the book at this time.
