As a strange god once said, writing is hard. It feels like there are near limitless aspects to consider during the writing process. With any luck, you should find answers to questions and learn new things in this collection of discussions.
Feel free...
"Lucky is the writer who knows the theme from the beginning." Hell, lucky is the writer who knows what theme means, much the less how to apply it in their writing. Theme itself is fairly abstract and difficult to pin down. Applying it is another complicated quest with a thousand option-roads, each with a different outcome. Still, I'll try to offer you some grinning (perhaps grimacing) guidance.
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What is theme?
The theme is the central idea in a piece of writing or other work. It can be the meaning, life lesson, or moral of the story. A single work can have dozens of minor themes, but one major theme should shine through. It should connect and define every character and element of the story (plot, subplot, character development, etc.). It allows the story to be an active exploration of an idea or question. It brings meaning to a story. It allows you, the writer, to say something with your story. You can even use this tool to ignite the passions of others, perhaps change the perceptions of those buried deep in blissful ignorance.
Relax. This is easiest on the writer's end. You can decide on a theme that no one ever figures out or notices and that's fine. Themes are also super subjective if done right, so readers might even walk away thinking something totally different from each other and yourself. Don't worry about that, people are inherently different and that's chill. Whatever, you won't be yelled at for not making your theme clear. Still, every story should have one. After all, if you don't have anything to say, why speak?
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Sometimes themes are obvious but sometimes they can be difficult to deduce without delving deeper. In school, we are taught that the theme is one word, a universal idea that the writer had in mind. Those one-word ideas can be a part of the theme, and it is totally fine for school children to only grasp that much of a story. The universal theme, after all, is universal. The writer, however, needs to be more specific than that. Advanced, older readers will expect more from a novel or series than "love" or "friendship."
You want to avoid being too vague when deciding a theme. "Love" and "family" are terrible excuses for themes that all children are taught are themes because we lie to children. However, you don't want to be too specific because then the theme becomes the plot, which is also not what you want.
