Prison Blues

13 - Out of the Darkness

Adam really was a beautiful man.

Blake had commandeered one of the conjugal visitation rooms, wanting a double bed for his last night with Adam. Last night, they'd made love with something like desperation. Adam had clung to Blake, constantly begging for more, more, taking everything Blake had to give until they were both absolutely spent. Blake knew that Ortega and his sycophants believed Adam had some sort of Stockholm Syndrome. They were probably right. Didn't matter. The sun was rising, coming through the frosted glass of the transparent bricks making the window. The square of light had been steadily moving down the wall towards the bed as the sun peeked up over the horizon. Now it was falling on Adam's face as he slept. With his eyes closed, Adam's face had almost a childlike innocence. His head rested on Blake's bicep, the fingers of one hand curled against Blake's chest. His lips were partially opened, his breaths warm.

Blake moved his hand, gently tracing little circles on Adam's tattooed back. He watched the smaller man sleep. He wished Adam never had to wake up, that he could stay here like this, in Blake's arms, forever. That he wouldn't have to step out of this room and face up to all that would await him once he passed through the doorway. That when it was all over, Adam would never have to look into the mirror and face up to what he'd done. That he wouldn't regret being with Blake.

Blake's heart ached. His eyes burned. Since he'd come to this hell, he'd cried a few times from pain, from humiliation, back when he'd first arrived. The men who had used him had laughed at him, mocked his tears, or worse, asked him if he liked it when little boys cried? After that last, Blake had no longer allowed himself the luxury of tears.

He wanted to cry now.

Blake wanted to shed tears for himself, for Adam, for Adam's father, and most especially for the young boy who he'd failed so miserably, who would never grow to be a man. He wanted to crush Adam to his chest and sob uncontrollably. To release all the pain that he'd kept locked away deep inside for all these years, letting it churn and twist, letting it make him hard and mean, giving him the strength to survive.

He didn't want to be Big Country anymore.

But when Adam walked out that door, Big Country would be all he had left. Blake would be taken to another facility to serve out the rest of his time, but only the location would be different. He'd have different faces, different views. But he would still be behind the same bars, trapped in a cell with strangers, fed food that wasn't fit for the general public, and work for pennies. And he'd still have to deal with the politics of the prison. If the Kings forced him to remain in their ranks, his life would get even more difficult. But that had always been the case. The rules hadn't changed. To survive, he had to be strong. And Blake knew he needed to survive. He had to get through this, to get out and do whatever he could, whatever it took, to make things better for kids like Brandon.

Brandon's Melody was Blake's secret joy. From behind bars, Blake had been working, gutting his savings and retirement to invest. He'd been shockingly successful. Now he had a sizeable amount that he planned to turn into a charity that would identify and help abused and exploited children, get them the help they so desperately needed. As a convicted sex offender, Blake had no illusions about ever being able to work with children again. But through his charity, he could send out others, make it possible to help kids like Brandon.

For years, Brandon's Melody had been Blake's sole reason for living. And then there was Adam. Until Adam had come into his life, Blake had been focused only on surviving. For Adam, Blake was suddenly alive again. Until Adam had come into his life, Blake realized, he'd been only surviving. But with Adam, he was living once more. For Adam, he'd been willing to fight and die, to do whatever it took. But it wasn't just because of Brandon, Blake realized. Adam brought something else out in Blake, something Blake had believed long dead. For the first time since college, Blake Shelton had fallen in love. And to hell with every shrink in the world who would tell him that what he was feeling was only intensified by their desperate, dangerous situation and would likely not last long term. Right now, holding Adam in his arms, Blake knew without a doubt that he was absolutely, desperately, hopelessly, head over heels in love with Adam Levine, corrections officer and son of the warden.