COFFEE TO GO[taegi]

°one°

yoongi's pov:

clouds stretch across the slowly dimming sky with a dark hue. streetlights begin lighting up and illuminate the paths i once walked on.

but I don't see the beauty in the sky like i once did.

im unable to encapsulate myself within the beauty this world holds as all it returns is the memories i have of him. i hate the fact that the once euphoric setting seems cold and plain.

it feels like someone keeps digging a knife further into my chest. im inured to it now. still, i can't let go of these memories; if i do then nothing was ever real. we were never real.

he was the most important person in my life. but, he never felt the same way. his feelings were never a match for how intense mine were for him.

feelings he claimed to possess turned out to be a reflection of himself. shallow. i was his toy but to me, he was everything. 

after him, I have stopped leaving the house again. i have no reason to. i have a kine based job meaning i can work from home, editing out other peoples mistakes whilst i avoid my own.

each new sentence i am given to interpret takes me to a different fantastical place within my mind. away from these emotions which i cannot identify but feel so deeply. my attachment to books is what keeps me sane, to be honest.

my apartment complex is on the outskirts of a city called incheon. it's small, but it's just the perfect size for a home body. however, i do struggle to fit all of my books in with me. it's also right outside seoul where my editorial office is based, which i have to visit once or twice a month to check in and discuss progress.

its a quiet, peaceful journey when i make the smart decision of travelling outside of rush hours to make it to the progress meetings. but today, i was not so smart, and it was not so quiet.

i woke up late as i had been up all night looking for a book i had intended to read. it was hidden amongst all the others.

so i hit rush hour when i eventually made it to the station. in times like this, surrounded by people and sound and feelings and so many things, my anxiety kicks in. my whole body convulses and i have to escape right then and there. get away, far away from all of society and pretend like i am one with the ground.

like i am doing right now, at 11pm. sat alone, staring outside of my window, looking down upon the street below. and avoiding this shit tip of a library i call my home. reality sets in when life outside of my home is at the for-front of my thoughts.

which reminds me, is that a moving van outside?