Hate to Apathy

Differences and Similarities

     In the city, a few things had changed, mostly just things getting bigger. The church that I had stayed at was much bigger, the main cathedral, I would presume. The structure of the city was slightly different, however. In the center was the palace, nothing new. Around the castle was a ring of the upper class. The ring outside the inner ring was the middle class ring. There was also a thinner ring between the middle class ring and the upper class ring made the be the market ring. The slums were slightly different however. Instead of there being a designated 'poor' area, there were simply areas where crime levels were higher than other places. It was quite different.

     Other than that, most main buildings and places of note had just gotten bigger. The port was bigger, fit for a veritable merchant capital. The school was much larger. The library was much larger. However, there were now several churches that were quite large. There was a water themed one, a wine themed one (which seemed more like a pub than anything else), and a light themed one. It seemed it was one church for each one of the princesses, excluding Francisca. How lovely...

I had been walking about for around two hours now, and I had gotten a fairly good idea of where everything was. It was not that hard. I had accidentally walked into a high crime area, and saw people who looked quite suspicious. Of what? Of being criminals. It was their gait mostly, but also their clothes. Not too different from how I imagined they would look like.

I noticed people following me after just a minute. I looked like an easy target. However, I knew my way around this place better than they did already. I was slowly taking an indirect route to a small church where I was sure they wouldn't follow me. The church was like the one I had stayed at half a millenium ago. Once I saw it, I dashed towards it, leaving only a cloud of dust for the people following me to shank. I quickly ran towards it, but instead of bursting in, I calmly walked in, rather shyly, might I add.

On the inside, it looked practically identical to the one I had stayed at so long ago. The same long table, the same amount of children (although the children themselves were different), even the same amount of nuns. Amongst the children, I noticed a very lively teenager of about 19 talking about entering the royal guard. He looked rather similar to Nicholas. There was also a half-elf girl who looked like Primera, and the head nun also looked a lot like Sasha. This was the most unlikely of coincidences I could ever imagine.

'Are you alright, my child?' Asked the woman who looked like Sasha.

'S-s-some p-pe-people w-were fol-l-lowing m-me.' I answered, still as shy as before.

'Well, you can stay here if you want. My name is Sasha,' oh goodness! Even her name was Sasha! 'and this is my orphanage. You're welcome to stay here if you wish.'

'I-i-it's... Okay... th-thank y-y-you f-for the offer. I-I-I w-was just sc-sc-scared of th-those people...' I said, looking a bit guilty.

'It's alright. Why don't you stay here and eat dinner with us? You might even change your mind.' She said, beckoning me to sit at the table, so I did.

     When I sat down, the half-elf girl who looked like Primera looked at me. She looked reluctant to speak, however. The boy who looked like Nicholas turned to me and forcefully shook my hand.

'Hi, I'm Nick. What's your name?' He asked.

'(Y/N).' I answered. Nick went on to talk about the Royal Guard, just like before.

'S-say...' I started after a while, directing my attention to Nick. 'Wh-why are y-yo-you s-so int-to th-th-the Roy-yal Gu-Gu-Guard?'

'Because it's a noble job! And I'll be able to live comfortably. I'll be able to help others. I'll be able to slay monsters that threaten the kingdom. I'll be able to do all sorts of things!' I see. So he was the self-righteous kind of person. He had good intentions,but I supposed he didn't know the consequences. I supposed no one truly knew the consequences of their actions. Only me, along with my knowledge of Chaos, have true understanding of the possible and most likely outcomes of actions.

'O-oh. O-o-okay.' I said, quietly. I remembered that last time, when the old Nick had joined the Royal Guard, he also killed my friend, Foxy. I don't remember the specifics, but from it, I can remember that I had learnt to love as one would love a dear, dear friend. I also remembered that I had been an undead creature for some time, and that I lived in a cage, and that I killed people and monsters. That last part, I think, made me desensitised to violence and murder. Every time I thought of it, I wasn't disgusted. I merely... remembered it.

Nick went back to talking to the other children, quite understandably, might I add. He looked back at my food. It was a stew. Smelt of beef, but I still wasn't sure what it was made of. However, I ate it because I was hungry. I noticed that both the girl that looked like Primera, and Sasha were stealing glances at me every so often. It was slightly disconcerting, but I payed no attention to it.

After we finished eating, the nuns made us all stand in single file. I felt like I was in primary school again... which I suppose this was, kind of. I mean, they took children in. They had to educate them, one way or another. (They didn't, but they were religious, so in the eyes of their gods, they had to.) The nuns led us down some stony steps into a large room full of beds. I was told to lie in the one at the very back. Primera lay in the bed that was next to mine. She lay on her side, looking at me still. It was odd to say the least. I ignored it. That night, I recited another poem to myself:

In darkness, I shall be light.
In times of doubt, I shall keep faith.
In those of rage, I shall hone my craft.

In vengeance, I shall have no mercy.
In the midst of battle, I shall have no remorse.
In the face of death, I shall have no fear.

My armour is contempt,
My shield disgust,
And my sword, hatred.

Let none survive.

I learnt this poem when I was in secondary school. Someone had decided it was a good idea to make trouble for me. I ended up sending them to the hospital, and instead of me getting punished for it, I sweet talked the headmaster into expelling them instead. That was around the time I had started to read up on the world around me. To truly see what humans had done to my planet. It was a fitting poem.

However, at first, I didn't completely agree with "In the face of death, I shall have no fear", because I thought that if I were to die, I would be rather scared, even terrified. But now that I had already died, and I knew that there was more after death, I had no fear of dying. I also didn't quite agree with "In darkness, I shall be light", because in my experience, light related to religion and order, and in my experience, not much good has come out of the light.

After reciting the poem, I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off into the land of slumber.

Credit to @Fanceyt for the poem. Nice one.