behind your eyes

6

Shawn's pov (finally)

"You can't release that song" Andrew said to me.
"It's way to honest and you're gonna lose a lot of fans" he continued
"But people are gonna love it only if it's honest" I said to him.
"It's a very big risk Shawn. We have to be careful"
I sighed, not knowing what to do. I couldn't even decide what song I'm gonna write.
"By the way you can't go to the bars any time you want, you also can't be seen talking to girls. You'll be all over the media and rumors will start spreading. You know Damn well we don't have time to deal with drama right now. You should be completely focused on your career"
"Come on, I'm just a normal dude. I wanna live too!" I raised my voice a little. I was so sick of everyone trying to control everything in my life. I've had enough...
"No you're not just a normal dude, you're Shawn Mendes and you'll be in danger if you go out alone so Jake should come with you anywhere you go. Plus the paparazzi is out there looking for celebrities so that's another reason why you're not just a normal dude. Every move you make can affect your career"
That was it. This is my oh so good life. I loved my fans and I loved doing what I get to do as an artist. But people should just love me and care about me because of my music.
My life is a spotlight to others. Meaning I always have to be perfect. I don't get to make any mistakes or live my life as a normal young boy because I'm gonna be judged for my actions. No matter what I do there will be rumors about me all over the internet.
A lot of people who I trusted only used me for fame and I've been nothing but a joke to them. Anyone that's approaching me could have terrible intentions and I should be really careful with who I get close with, at the same time I should be very nice to all of them or I'll be known as the rude Canadian singer Shawn Mendes.
It's really hard to deal with fame sometimes. I get anxiety most of the time and I hate it, I've had a few panick attacks and I'm always stressed. Although I love my fans because they just support me through everything. It's the people who judge me that make me so nervous.
Sometimes people can be so cruel and unfair. I just hoped that they would look at things from my perspective.
The thing that hurts me the most is that no one can understand me and I've no one to talk to about my struggles. I talk to my therapist sometimes and it really helps me, but it would be way better if I had a friend that could help me. Someone who truly knows me and doesn't care about my fame.
My family has always been supporting me and I love them so much. But I don't want to talk about my problems with them because I don't wanna worry them any more. They've always cared so much that I can't ask for more. They should be focused on aaliyah right now.
Overall I have a great life but I wish i had someone to talk to about real stuff.
"I can't stand this" I said and got up from my sit.
"Where do you think you're going?"
Andrew said walking towards me.
"Somewhere peaceful without having you tell me what to do and what not to do"
I blurt out and opened the door slamming it behind me.
Ouch, that was a bit rude but i was just so angry and fed up that I didn't care.
I made my way towards the elevator and got inside. I tried to calm down. My breathing was very fast.
I took a few deep breaths, hearing my fast heart beat slow down.
I took a look at myself through the mirror.
My hair was really messy, I fixed my hair and heard the elevator door open. I walked out and went to the parking lot looking for my black jeep.
I got in and started the car. I didn't know where I was going but I just had to go. Driving always helped me clear my mind.
Looking out the window, everywhere was dark, cars passing, they're lights hurting my eyes, I made my way up a hill and saw a few houses around me. I was passing them by when I heard loud music coming out of one of them, teenagers getting in and out of the huge house. All of them seemed drunk. I passed the house and kept driving between the numerous trees 'till I reached to top of the hill. I stopped the car looking at the beautiful view. The whole city was visible from here. It was very peaceful. People looked really little and the feeling that none of them could see me or judge me, that there was no one watching me and taking pictures of me, made me feel better. Because I was the one watching them now.
Suddenly something caught my eye. It was a figure of a girl sitting near the edge of the hill. The wind was blowing her brunette hair in the air.
I walked closer. She looked like she needed some company, just like me. So that's why i sat next to her...
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A/N
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