who is she?

a rant

Thursday, January 10, 2019

okay.

so i'm usually passive aggressive about things because that's just the type of person i am. when things happen to me or i get into an argument or fight with someone, i just take the day to myself and by the next day i'm 100% over it. thats me. but this is getting ridiculous.

people just seem to think it's okay to walk all over me. and i'm sick and tired of it.

honestly, i'm a good person. and i'm a damn good friend. i'm not ashamed to say it so brazenly because it's the truth. and yet somehow, no matter how good or patient or understanding of a friend i am, i get treated like dirt. and i may just be blowing things out of proportion, but for how long i've been putting up with stuff like this i'm surprised it's taken me this long to vent.

so, there's this girl i'm friends with. for the sake of privacy, let's call her maddy. i'm friendly with maddy, we talk at lunch and snapchat sometimes, and we've hung out on occasion. so she comes up to me on monday last week and asks if we can grab lunch together because we havent hung out in a while. so i say yes, sure, let's do it. we plan to get chipotle on thursday.

thursday comes and i go through the school day. her and i don't have any classes together, so naturally i didn't see her at school. and we'd both agreed that she'd drive us rather than both of us meeting there just because it'd be easier, plus my brother could drive my car back home. so it's the end of the school day, i walk outside to get some cell service, and i text her asking her where her car is parked.

she then responds telling me she's been home sick all day and can't go out anymore.

now, that normally wouldn't have bothered me, because that's a reasonable excuse and i totally understand. we've all been there. but the fact that she didn't feel the need to give me a heads up until i reached out to her is what i had a problem with. she had all day to tell me, i get data in some parts of the school. was she just going to let me stand in the parking lot clueless? who knows.

on top of that, she told me she was so sick that the day before, on wednesday, she shouldn't have even gone to school because she wasn't feeling well. that, i didn't believe, because after school on wednesday she'd gone to chipotle with another friend of ours. so clearly she was feeling just fine.

so whatever. she asks me to reschedule, and i'm like yeah that's fine. so we plan to go to chipotle today, thursday, one week from that day. i don't have work, she doesn't have work, there shouldn't be any problems.

so i roll up to school this morning and i see her walking into school. i needed to text her to ask her something, so i walked up to her and did it in person instead. i asked her if we should carpool or try to do what we were supposed to do last time, with her driving us and my brother taking my car home. it's then that she decided to tell me that she needs to stay after school with her physics teacher for some help. so again, i'm like okay, that's fine, but i'm still annoyed because, again, she wasn't going to give me some notice. but she assured me it wouldn't take longer than half an hour. we get out of school at 2:30.

so i get home and i wait. 3:00 rolls around and i'm like, well it isn't going to take half an hour exactly, i'll wait some more. 3:15 hits and i still get no text from her telling me she's on her way, so i text her asking her what's up. she doesn't respond. i don't want to be that friend that's overbearing and annoying, but given her track record can you really blame me? and to add to this, my mom asked me to go grocery shopping for her, and i'm not trying to go late at night with the time it'll take to grab lunch, eat, socialize, and get home. so i text her again at 3:45 asking her where she is. 10 minutes later she responds telling me she's still at school and doesn't know how much longer it'll be.

so i, being fed up, tell her that if she's there past like 4:15 i can't go to lunch anymore. i have things to do, my family kind of needs food, sorry. she doesn't answer. and it's 4:45. i'm just pretty sure she would have been home by now, or had found the time to check her phone at least once.

and what bothers me the most is that she instigated this whole thing. she came to me about hanging out, then left me out to dry. and this seems to be a common occurrence with people in my life. i'm always waiting on other people and getting left behind or, essentially, ghosted.

then, maddy calls me crying. and being the good friend i am, i listen to her, console her, help her feel better, all the while i feel like shit because i've been sitting in my living room for nearly 2 hours, dressed and ready to go out.

next time maddy tries to make plans with me, we'll see how that goes. we'll see if it even happens at all.

am i overdramatic? maybe. but i'm certainly frustrated.

and as a cherry on top for everything, i had asked my coworker to cover a 3 hour shift for me because there is literally no way on this planet that i can make that shift, and i've covered for her in the past. and what does she do? open the message, read it, and not answer. don't i love my life.

but anyway, it's my senior year and i'm done with the bullshit. i'm trying to have a good year, with good people in my life making good memories. good vibes only.

sorry if i seem petty or bitchy, typically i keep my feelings to myself, but i'm just so over this. i don't know how people can just be so apathetic towards others, but whatever.

also sorry to rant, this was kind of long, but i needed to get this off my chest. i'll post my top 18 songs of 2018 after this

(update: its 6:21 pm, i'm feeling a little better bc my coworker at least texted me back and i got some mcdonald's fries on the way to the grocery store)