My Lover, My Guardian (lesbian stories)

Chapter 21: Answers

25 missed calls
40 unread texts

Incoming call...

I sighed.

"Are you not going to take that?" Sarah asked. I know it's starting to annoy her now hearing my phone. I'm so tempted to just block them but I can't.

"No. They will get tired eventually."

"You know, you gotta face them somehow right?"

"I know Sarah, but please not today. " I don't know when I'm going to be ready. I think, reopening a wound that just got healed is more painful than the first cut. "I'm not as strong as you think I am, but I'm trying so please tell them that."

It took a few seconds before she completely understood what I'm trying to say. She pulled me into her arms when she finally did.
"Oh, Ruth. I'm sorry. I understand now. I'm sorry."

"Sarah, please talk to them for me, you have the right to know after all. Tell Georgina that I don't blame her. I'm just.... not ready. I just need some time."

"Okay. I will."

----

"Bella, Jane told you to speak with me?" I approached Bella in her office.

"Yes Ruth, please sit down." Bella answered. She closed her computer and face me.

I did what I was told. Bella clasps her hands, elbows resting on top of her desk. I didn't speak, though I'm baffled by the sudden need for my attention, I still decided to push away all the questions and conclusions I have in my head.

"How are you doing Ruth?" Bella asked and it doesn't really surprise me, because Bella keeps tabs on the well-being of her employees. But the look on Bella's face, I know there is something more to it.

It's been two days since Sarah and I had a talk about what's bothering me. I dodged every thought about what happened before Christmas. I continue with my job to keep myself busy. Mind over matters. Even my longing to see Georgina was pushed back in the back of my head but the burden in my chest doesn't seem to go away.

"I'm fine I guess. It was relatively slow these days and there is no school, so I'm not stressed."

That is only half the truth and I know everyone can see it.

"There is something wrong and we both know it, I see it, Jane and your other friends see it. I don't want you to feel like I'm intruding on your life but I want you to know, you can always talk to me. You know that, right?" Bella said those words with full sincerity and with concern in her voice.

I don't know what to say, so I just nodded, and that alone, it only confirms that there is something wrong.

"Can you tell me what's wrong?"

Of course, she would ask that. But -- I already have Sarah to discuss these things. If I have to talk to somebody, it will be her, she had the same pain that I do. I don't have to reiterate my past just for her to understand, because she we've lost the same person.

I sighed. "Bella, I trust you and I look up to you almost like Sarah but I'm afraid I can't.... I mean...." Words were already lost as it began.

Sensing my agitation, she stood up and walk around her desk just sit/squat in front of me. She took my hand which I didn't know was clenched with each other.

"You don't have to say anything if you're not ready okay? We care so much about you and seeing you like this worries us. But I for one am confident that whatever you're going through right now... you'll overcome it like you always do. I just want you to know that we're here if you need us. Okay?"