Things I wish I knew before turning 18.

(I)

                  4.
          ~ Finding myself.

There is a lot I don't know. I know what I want out of life but I'm not entirely sure how I'll get there, and honestly, I didn't know there were words for a lot of things I feel.
I don't know if I mean the things I say, or I say them because they mean something to you, and I'm afraid you do the same when you speak to me, there is a lot i'm unsure about.
But what's been bothering me most is, I'm unsure in who i am, I have an idea of the things I like and the things I don't like, the kind of people I like to be arround, and I have a pretty good idea on how people view me..but there is this voice in my head, it's almost another person but it's still me...It asks questions like 'Are you doing this things because you're a good person or you'll be praised for being a good person?'
That question sticks with me because it questiones my own genuity, if I am the person I present myself to be. The thing that I realised is that, you're never really who you are to anyone except yourself because prespective is inescapable. From other eyes, you will only ever be who you are in relation to them, and this is why i question my own character.
There is a reason why you can sing in the shower , and there is a reason why you can dance alone in your room even though you can't dance...it's easier to be you when no one is watching because when people are watching, their judgments comes too, and often times because you fear being judged, you begin judging yourself..and by 'you' I mean 'me' ,because i'm speaking to myself as well.
The comfortability I found when I'm by myself is the comfortability I want when I'm around others, not comfort in where I am but with who I am, whenever I go. So I've been trying to figure it out how to be 'me' outside so that nothing in something I do ,but anything I do is everything I am..and to do that I figured that I have first to be comfortable in myself, I have to not only spend time by myself but with myself, prodactivity, actively learning self acceptance, self love, self everything. It's just like I need to do for myself what I'm more than willing to do for others.
It's ironic because this is an advice I usually give to others...but I never take my own advice.