Simple Needs

$5

"I went to get coffee with a friend and she lent it to me. It's a fascinating book."

"I'm sure it is," he said, turning it over in his hands, opening it.

It fell open where I'd stuck a bookmark in. He read a few lines, his lips pursed.

"This sickness seems like what I had," I volunteered, suddenly excited by it, and how my head was clear of everything but that simple thought. It filled me, but not in the way the cravings filled me. It filled me like helium fills a balloon, lifting me up so I felt more and more ecstatic, floating away from everything each second I thought about it.

Theo didn't seem to share it my excitement. He turned the page, reading intently.

"Do you like it?" he asked, looking at me.

"I do."

"Who lent it to you?"

"Just a girl I met at the library."

"That was nice of her," he said, barely seeming to think it was nice.

"Yeah. It really was. She says she's writing a novel."

"Hmmm." He said his hands skimming through the whole thing.

I was distracted from the excitement, and I suddenly saw his wallet on the table.

He started speaking again, but I had no idea what he said.

"Rose!"

I looked up. He waved his hand in front of my face.

"Who gave this to you?"

"She said her name was Daisy Love."

"Daisy... what did she look like?"

"I don't know. Tall. She had a bright patterned shirt that kind of fanned out. You know. Dark curly hair that was just below her shoulder. Why? Do you know her? She had glasses too. Really big, thick-rimmed glasses."

"I do know her, a matter of fact. She's Leah's cousin."

"Oh," I said, feeling slightly disappointed, the wallet barely in my peripheral vision.

"Yeah. She seems nice. How much did you two talk?"

"I don't know? Maybe half an hour?" I needed him to go to the bathroom or something.

He sighed in relief. "I brought home some McDonald's."

His eyes looked down at me so caringly. The wallet was begging me to come to it. I needed to get out, or Theo needed to get out. It was torturing me the way it was laying there, so unprotected. It would be more protected in my loving care.

I forced myself to look into his hazel eyes. They had a blue look in the light, and I remember how interested in the intricate lines of the iris I used to be. I could do it again. I looked hard into them, and I pushed the wallet out of my head.

"Let's eat outside today. It's a nice day."

He nodded. "Sure."

He stood up slowly, pulling me up with him. He led me out to the hallway. We walked to the courtyard, the feeling of needing to steal the wallet subsiding with each step I took. Our neighbors were leaving or coming into or out of their apartments, each taking money with them.

I needed to get away from it. "Race you to the picnic table," I told Theo.

He chuckled and we both broke into a sprint. His was for the joy of it, but mine was a desperate need to get away from all of it. I needed to get away from it all.

My footsteps pounded down the hall. Theo was holding the food, so he was at a slight disadvantage, but either way, I was comfortable at the picnic table, not a dollar in sight when he came huffing and puffing up.

I focused on his face. I needed something to distract me, not right now, but later. For some reason, I never did steal anything when he was in the room. If he left, I was just as bad as ever, but I never pickpocketed in front of him. He smiled, sitting down at the table.

"How'd you get so fast?"

"I don't know," I said, ignoring the lingering part of me that needed to tell him the exact truth. The truth that was me running away with things I shouldn't have before I got caught with them. The truth that was the part of me I despised and couldn't seem to get rid of.

He didn't see it in my face and just smiled, opening the bag of food and sliding out the smushed burgers.

"How was your day?" I asked, staring down at the flatness of the food that had no buisness being flat.

"Not the best," he said seeming just as grossed out by it, "but not the worst either. How was yours?"

"Good," I said, not looking at him.

"Really? What all did you do?"

"Just went to the library and had coffee with Daisy."

"Oh," he took a bite of the smashed burger. "Do you like her?"

"I don't know. She seemed nice enough. Like she knew something."

"She's very smart. I suppose she would." He admitted.

"Yeah, but more than that. Like she knew about something that no one else knows about. Like she knew something about me that even I don't really know."

"Is there something about you that's that secret?"

My throat went dry so I stuffed food into it. He still looked at me while I struggled to swallow.

"No," I said, my mouth still full of food.

He nodded, but it was like he was keeping something back too. We fell into silence. We couldn't seem to climb back out of it. I wanted to say something, to be something more than I had been, but I couldn't. Any words got stuck in my throat.

I let my eyes drift away from him until he spoke again. "It's getting late. Do you want to go back inside?"

"Yeah," I said. Inside the hotel room, the wallet immediately consumed me. "Hey, Theo. You might want to put the wallet away. Since we had a robber last night."

He looked at it, picked it up and threw it in a drawer. "Yeah."

It made it slightly better, but barely. I tried my best to ignore it, getting ready for bed and climbing into it. I couldn't fall asleep knowing it was there... waiting... waiting... waiting. I needed it. I'd ignored it long enough. That was so much self-control so in a way I deserved it as a reward.

I forced my eyes to look back at the word... all the words remained just words incapable of anything other than shapes as I stared down at it. Theo fell asleep under the lamplight that was on as part of the guise of me reading. I could take it then... he'd never know.

He would never know.

But I would. I shut the book and turned the lamp off. I forced myself to be as still as the surrounding darkness. I buried my head in my pillow and closed my eyes for a second. I swear it was only a second, but when I opened my eyes the room was doused in the light of day.