Relapse (Markiplier)

21: Treasured Time

It hurt, but I could practically see it going through their minds: she's going to die.

Lying in my hospital bed, I was doing all I could to keep my sanity. Today, I'd spent a lot of time ruminating on the things that have happened in my life since chemo started. My brief trips home, the blurry rides back the the hospital, the visits I got from my friends, boyfriend, and family. Mark's visits were always the clearest. A small part of me always felt like I had to keep it together a little better for him; it never went away after the first time.

Two doctors were my room, holding their clipboards and looking between themselves, their boards, and me. Their eyebrows were furrowed, and they were giving each other the this-isn't-good look. The how-do-we-tell-her look. I'd seen it before, and I wish I could just tell them to spit it out and be done.

If they think I'm going to die in here, I thought to myself as I slipped into a daydream, the least they could do is tell me beforehand.

-Two days earlier-

I was at home for a few days. My chemo schedule would return to normal soon, and in the meantime, I was on strict orders to keep myself well-rested and healthy while I was at home. Mark insisted on keeping me over at his house every time I was allowed to come home, and this time was no different.

I was lying on the couch with my arm thrown over my eyes, pretending to rest. My mind was actually whirling, right along with a growing, aching sadness in my stomach. The real reason I had my arm over my face was to block Mark from my view. I loved him, but I couldn't bear to look. He didn't have that look of pity that I usually get from people, but he had the look of loss, which was debatably worse. He looked like he had already lost me, like he was looking through a ghost. It made my heart wrench.

"Hey, I'm still here, bub," I said out of nowhere, moving my arm so I could open one eye. Mark's vision snapped toward me, locating my eye and regarding me with a sharp look.

"Of course you're still here," He agreed, "Where else would you be?" I chuckled, reaching out with my other arm to pat his leg.

"Nowhere, babe, you're right." It was a rather quick change of heart, but I thought it best not to make him understand how he was looking at me. It might just make him more upset. "Nowhere." I didn't put my arm back over my eyes, and instead, I let it hang off the couch and stared up at the ceiling. It was silent for a long time, but it wasn't a comfortable quiet. It was too tense- I was waiting for Mark to say something, and I felt like he might have been waiting for me to break the silence. Luckily for both of us, Mark's phone went off with a little ding, a pleasant and welcome interruption. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him shuffle around to get his phone, eyes assessing the screen. He made a face I couldn't quite place, and very slowly, he looked back up at me.

"My mom's asking about you," He informed me quietly. "She wants to know if you're feeling okay." I smiled- I could practically hear his mother's voice in my head, though it had been a while since I'd spoken to her.

"Tell her that I'm doing well," I replied. Mark raised an eyebrow.

"But you're not," Mark said, and I think he surprised both of us by saying that. His hand flew over his mouth at the moment, and I saw the regret on his face. He wasn't exactly wrong, but he wasn't fully right, either. I may not be doing perfect, but I sure could be doing a lot worse. I chuckled after a moment.

"She knows that."

End of daydream, back at the hospital

"Miss (L/N)?" Slowly, I peeled my eyes open. One of the doctors was back, standing over my bed with the dreaded clipboard in her hand. Thankfully, it was at her side, and she showed no signs of referencing it. 

"I'm awake," I promised, blinking hard a few times to focus. I sat up slowly and looked a little more closely at the doctor. She looked tired and sad, just like me. I waited a few seconds for her to say something, but nothing came.

"Are you okay?" I asked after a moment. She looked taken aback.

"I'm just fine, miss. Are-" She cut herself very short, choosing not to ask if I was okay. Weirdly enough, it made me smile.

"I'm okay, too," I told her. It took a moment, but she smiled.

"Are you ready for your next round of chemo?" She asked, glancing at the dreaded clipboard for a moment, and I gritted my teeth and nodded.

"I suppose I can't be not ready," I said, trying to stay cheerful. "I'm ready for this cancer to be out of my body, and I know it will be soon." The doctor looked up at me, and for the first time, I saw her smile.

"That's the spirit," She said, smile growing. "With an attitude like that, you'll be out in no time." I chuckled.

"I'd better be," I said, joking a bit. "I have a life to get back to."

"Anybody special waiting for you?" She asked, making some markings on the clipboard and beginning to shuffle around the room, moving things out of the way.

"There's a very special man waiting for me when I fully get out of here," I told her, and I saw recognition in her eyes as she passed by the bed again.

"Oh, that black-haired guy that comes to visit you every day?" 

"Yeah, he was just here!" Even the thought of Mark cheered me up. "He's my special person. We haven't talked about it yet, but I'm going to marry him someday." The doctor laughed, and I saw genuine happiness in her eyes.

"Does he know that?" She joked, and I giggled too.

"He better," I said, "If he's here for me in sickness and health now, marriage should be easy-peasy." The two of us shared a laugh, and for the first time since I'd been re-admitted, I felt connected to someone in this hospital.

"If you don't mind my asking, what's his name?"

"Mark," I said, smiling again as my mind went on a quick wander. "And while we're on the topic, what's yours?" 

"Oh-" She looked down at her scrubs, noticing that the standard nametag was gone. "My nametag's gone! I'm Dr. Hitton, but I honestly prefer Maya." She grinned at me, and I returned it. I felt like I'd found a real friend.

"You know, Maya, I wasn't worried about this chemo session- this isn't my first rodeo. But now, I've got something to actually look forward to." For a moment, Maya perched on the edge of my bed. She shook her head, looking over at me.

"You're a strong woman, (Y/N)," She declared.

"That makes two of us," I said. "And I don't know if you're going through anything right now, but if you are, we'll get through it. Both of us. And we'll be better because of it." I saw an incredulous look in her eyes.

"Usually, this thing is the other way around," She pointed out, and I shrugged with a grin.

"Can't always have it the same way every time," I decided, "Sometimes, the patients need to give their doctors pep talks, too." 

"I really do appreciate it. And as much as I'd love to continue, I do have to go and get your medicine." I  nodded, taking a deep breath. 

"You ready?" This time, when she posed the question, I faced it with newfound determination.

"I'm ready," I said. "I'm going to beat this and banish it. Once and for all."