Somewhere Down the Road

Beginning - End

Halukipkip na hawak ang tasa, heto ako at nakatayo sa lugar kung saan nagtapos ang lahat. Looking at the crystal like water that surrounds the volcano while sipping my black coffee is giving me a longing feeling. Although I hated to be here, here I am, thinking what could have beens and what if's.

After a year of suppressing my feelings, I decided to let it all out. Funny how I'm here again, for the second time, same spot, same time, same order of coffee but without him. It was a year ago when I decided to meet him and exactly a year ago when a part of me was broken.

I met him in a dating app. We clicked so we decided to level up our communication. After that, we chat and call everyday and everynight. Things happened fast between us that I did not even noticed that I was falling in every word he's said. Still, we're completey a stranger with each other. With the given nickname and some info's, other than that, there was none.

I cannot hide that fact that I enjoyed my converstaion with him, because clearly, chatting with him made me happy. Although it was shortlived, I treasured each day of talking to him. Meeting him was one of the things I'm thankful for because if it wasn't for him, I will never be who I am right now. We were like boyfriend and girlfriend without a label. Kung saan ako pupunta, alam niya, same goes with him. We update everything that happens everyday. Cheesy but that's what we were before.

I smiled bitterly as I sipped my coffee again. Hindi ko na alintana ang ginaw na bumabalot sa aking katawan. I remember, kapag ganito kalamig ang klima, he would always stay in his room and wrap his blanket around his body because it's really cold outside. Lagi niya iyong nababanggit, to think that he was living in Tagaytay ever since at hindi parin siya sanay sa lamig and so was I. Hindi ako sanay na hindi ko siya nakakausap but I managed myself not to think about him always after that meetup. We're both coffee lovers so we decided to meet in a coffee shop. I never thought that something big would happen that day.

A sweet smile crept into my lips as I remembered when I finally saw him. I was stunned. He was lean, tall, and attractive. Even the other customers were looking at him while I was just sitting and waiting for him to come to our table. Sure ako na siya nga ang paparating nang araw na iyon dahil bago kami nagkita, ipinaalam niya kung ano ang isusuot niyang damit.

We talked, like the usual things we do before deciding to meet. We laughed and talked a lot until he became serious. I knew back then that he has something important to say. Hindi niya lang magawa sa chat. After waiting for minutes to finally say what he has to say, he gave a picture of a blurry black and white image. I wasn't stupid to figure out what he showed. It was a picture of an ultrasound, a baby. Did I got it right? Probably, yes.

"I'm sorry for keeping this to you." He apologized with so much concern. "I didn't know she was pregnat that time. Sorry." He ducked his head and didn't meet my gaze. I was left dumfounded.

"C-congrats." That was all I could say.

He was sweet and caring to me. But it turned out, I was just the one who fell for his words. Sure, he tells me he loves me, but then I realized, paano nga ba mapapatunayang totoo ang sinasabi ng isang taong nakilala mo lang online? Yung ipaparamdam sayong inportante ka? Yung icha-chat ka everytime? Paano nga ba makakaiwas sa ganito?

I remember when I was still teaching Computer education for grade schoolers, we had this topic that you shouldn't trust the person you meet online and that you are not sure of the other one's feelings so do not trust them easily. I broke what I taught and that scarred me. I disregard everything I said before. Hindi pala tamang magpadala sa mga nababasa lang dahil hindi mo alam kung ikaw lang ba ang sinasabihan niya ng mga mabubulaklak na salita. In my case, I was so desperate to have someone who will make me happy. I hold onto him that I forgot how to love myself.

Now that I am here again, I am finally letting him go. It was good while it lasted. Tama na yung taon ng pagkikimkim ng sakit at panghihinayang sa aming dalawa. He moved on and so was I. He was happy with his wife and daughter now. The same girl he impregnated while we had this non-labeled online relationship.

In the end, I realized how I easily trust people I barely knew before. I've learned my lesson in a painful way. Nasaktan man at nagmukhang tanga sa mata ng mga taong nakasaksi sa nangyari noon ay wala na akong pakielam ngayon. What's important is that you've learned your lesson and not doing it again. That it's alright to talk to someone you don't know but keep your guards up all the time. By that, you are free from hurt and humiliation.

I sighed as I thought about it now. Tinatawanan ko nalang ang nangyari noon habang umiiling na para bang naloloka na. Three minutes after, tumayo na ako at akmang lalabas na ng coffeee shop nang maaninag ko sa pintuan ang lalaking dahilan ng pagbalik ko rito.

Recognition was written all over his eyes then he smiled at me. I smiled at him too and mouthed "Thank You" as I headed straight to the exit door without looking back.

Yes, our roads crossed again but ours was a dead end. It wasn't meant for us to meet. It was meant greater than that. And that was to start again.