A/N- This song was playing as wrote this and it embodies my emotions alot
The first time you called me beautiful my heart melted
It felt as if butterflies had erupted in my stomach
And the fear I had that you didn't like me washed away
I felt wanted and loved pretty for the first time in a while
I didn't know how to respond to your compliment so I sat there blushing
That blush didn't last long cause not long after you spoke of her and the many wonders she made you feel
At that very moment the butterflies that had erupted in my stomach flew away and left the emptiness of their cocoons behind
The second time you called me beautiful I accepted the compliment with caution
You preceived this caution as invitation and sealed your statement with a kiss
I believed that since this time you added an action that you meant it
Then she called, and you answered
You talked to her in a way that I knew you'd never talk to me
I just sat there dying on the inside praying that this pain would end as your hand rubbed my thigh and you spoke sweet nothings to her.
The third time you called me beautiful I didn't believe you at all
The statement no longer made me special
And just like last time you belived that your lips would change my mind
Oh but it didn't stop there, no
Your hands, and lips began to adventure over every crevice of my body
That day you explored more of my body than I knew existed
And claimed more of my soul with every stroke
We laid there afterwards and I was gradually beginning to believe my beauty actually existed
Then she texted you and your and arms let me go taking with them my confidence
After that you no longer called me beautiful
You didn't try as hard to make sure I smiled
I waited, and waited, and waited, and waited. Wondering when the simple words would make their return
Not realizing how much they meant to me as they fell from your lips
How I seeked validation in a two worded sentence that came out of the mouth of a boy who just wanted as much of me as I willing to hand over
I grew sad and depressed believing that even though you spoke those words that they meant nothing
That there was no beauty in me and that I was cursing the world with the disease that was my apperance
Continuosly putting my self down beliving that I was never and could never be beautiful
It took awhile, alot of crying myself to sleep
Alot of yelling it repeatedly to myself in the mirror
Alot of my bestfriends costant reminders
But I finally believe that I'm beautiful
That I'm worth love, and that I don't deserve your sorry version of it
I now know I'm beautiful and I don't need you or anyone else to tell me so
