I never wanted to tell you about him. I never wanted to talk about him to anyone, even to my mom. But I want everyone to know how a good dad he is even though he's a shitty husband. I don't know why in the end, he became the worst person to us. But I miss him. I miss every bit of him. I miss his laugh, I miss his smile, I miss his jokes, I miss his smell even though he stinks (sometimes) and I miss his warm hugs.
Every day I always pray for him to come back, every day I hope for him to leave everything behind and be with us but along with those prayers and hopes is the truth that he will always pick her over us.
He's the father everyone would want. I remember when we were kids, he always prepares food for us and drives us to school. He always play with us, every game in our play station we've played it with him. Well, because first of all it's really his. He just let us play it with him. He will always be there, seriously no matter what. He's the person that will always have your back.
I also remember every Sunday is family day. We go to church every Sundays and after, we go to the mall or to the park.
He's the reason why I love watching movies, because that's our bonding time. He's the reason why I love horror and gore movies.
He's the reason why I don't want to go home anymore. He's the only reason why I don't want a guy in my life anymore.
I know having a broken family is so mainstream now. Having a cheating dad is not even a new thing. But hell, the pain will always be the pain. The sorrow will always be the sorrow.
Yeah, I know. Overreacting, again! What am I supposed to feel? Smile at them when I bumped into them? Say hi, hello and ask them how are they? Be happy for them, while we miserably fill the void he left? This is bullshit! This will always be worse than my cancer!
I can never forgive him. I just can't. Knowing that he's still with that woman. I just can't wish them happiness for now. I can't pray for my dad's happiness for now. I just can't. But I hope one day, I can put all of this behind me and move on. And I can't wait for that day to happen.
