Fifteen (Troyler)

Chapter 3

Tyler's POV

Something’s wrong with Troye. I can’t put my finger on it, but something is definitely wrong. His eyes seem just a little bloodshot, and he has the slightest limp, barely noticeable. I noticed. He kept biting his lip, one of the tells he has when he’s lying, and something is just... off. Something’s wrong.

I first noticed at the airport, when I hugged him from behind. He had stumbled a bit forward (understandably, having been tackled from the behind) but I hadn’t missed the little wince and grimace of pain he had on his face. That was weird- I’d hugged him from behind dozens of times before and he had never been in pain.

I spotted the same look on his face as he hopped out of the car to get into the coffee shop, as he landed a little harshly. He was bending a little bit and had a taut mask of pain on his face, but he made sure to coat it in a picture-perfect, stunning smile when he glanced at me to make me forget about it. He seemed to loosen up a little bit in the shop, when we were all cuddled on the loveseat and talking comfortably. But still, his usual smile didn’t quite reach the eyes that were weary and pained.

In the car ride, he was so exhausted. I’d seen him jetlagged before, but never like this. Never so tired that he couldn’t even bother to help me with his bags (I didn’t mind, it’s just that he always felt guilty and tried to help) and never so fatigued that he just curled up on the bedsheets and knocked out in seconds.

Troye is my best friend. I think I’d know if there was something up with him. And it could just be the stress from all the songwriting that I know he’s been doing recently, or maybe some video he stayed up late editing that is making him tense. But something tells me that it isn’t the normal issues with Troye. This is something different.

If there is something wrong, I know better than to pressure him about it. Pressure makes him clam up- he’s a little easy to intimidate, and I would never want to do that to him.

Troye is my best friend in the whole world. I love him, like a brother. Although, I don’t consider him a brother- I would never have this sort of casually flirtatious, teasing relationship with my brother. I wouldn’t make sexual jokes in front of my brother, and I’m not too sure I’d tell my brother all the juicy details about a cute guy that I had seen in the store the other day that I was pretty sure was checking me out. I wouldn’t consider a brother “gorgeous both on the inside and out” and I wouldn’t be shipped by hundreds of thousands of teenage girls with my brother. Not that I minded being shipped with Troye, I loved it actually. I think it’s my favorite ship involving myself (although if anyone asked I’d say it was Myler because that’s my second favorite). In any other relationship, it’d get awkward between us, not being able to do anything without being analyzed and pried into on social media websites and knowing that everything we post can and will be screenshotted. But not with Troye. If anything, it brings us closer.

Troye’s special. Anyone can clearly see that. I’ve seen dozens of fangirls refer to him as an ‘angel’, and to be honest I don’t think they’re too far off. His looks are certainly angelic- the huge, aqua eyes on the milky pale skin, the dark hair sometimes brushing into his eyes if unstyled, the plump, pouty lips that form his perfect accent. His personality is, indeed, that of a saint- all that money he raised for his local oncology unit, the way he always stops to help people in the street, the way he is sometimes so childlike and innocent but also wise and mature beyond his years. Troye Sivan is, in a word that I’ve heard many people use about him, perfect.

And I do realize that I sound like a lovestruck teenager with the way I’m speaking about him. I may be attracted to him, in more ways than one, and I’m positive that if the circumstances were different I would definitely try to date him, but I’m not romantically invested with him. He’s young, and innocent, and my best friend. Any sort of attraction in any way that wasn’t platonic has been wiped away in the passage of time, the many years spent viewing him as only a close friend. It’s normal to be this close with a best friend, especially when you’re best friends with someone like Troye. You can’t help but admire him.

I am not in love with Troye. I do not have feelings for Troye.

I am best friends with Troye. No more, no less. That’s what’s best.

Best friends.

All we’ll ever be.

..................................

Hola! Second update in one day, technically, considering my last one was at 1:30 this morning. I know that this chapter was just Tyler's thoughts, but I think that they are really really important to the story and they just let you into Tyler's mind a little bit, seeing where he stands with Troye and stuff like that. 

IRRELEVANT RANT THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO: I'm kind of having a shitty day, like this morning I was super happy and in a good mood and enjoying myself and then this afternoon I got a message from someone that I definitely didn't want to talk to and then the Troyler collabs came and so I was super glowy and happy. But now, I've been thinking a lot and some stuff has come up personally regarding my life and this story (actually, all of my writing in general), which are two things that I never wanted to mix. I want to keep writing, the one pure thing in my life that keeps me sane at the moment, away from the people in my life. I feel like if people from my real life knew about it, they could easily rip it away from me and I pour my heart and soul into writing things like these, and I couldn't stand to lose that. I'm always secretive about my writing, like my best friend in the whole wide world hasn't even read this story yet because I'm really afraid that she's gonna judge me on it or something which I know she'd never do but ugh I'm just afraid. 

RANT OVER 

Did you guys like this little peek into Tyler's mind? Should I keep doing chapters like these? The thing about my writing is that I never have enough dialogue, like I never ever put any dialogue in anything. It sometimes irritates the people who read my writing before I post it, but I like to convey what people are really feeling, not the words that are speaking. To me, thoughts are louder than words. 

Also, the next chapter has a special guest from the list on it... can you guess who it is? He's a little... frantastic.

Anyways babes, I better go. 

Dubai, cuties!

-Elle xx