Fated

Home Sick

I've locked myself in my room for the past 2 days. The only one that I have allowed in is Anna, she doesn't stay for long. She either brings me food or to check up on me to make sure I'm not dead. I do appreciate the thought, but I really just want to be on my own. Just until I can figure out what to do next.

He's come by a few times, but he hasn't said anything to me since yesterday. He finally figured out that I didn't want to respond. He's been apologizing or pleading with me to talk with him, but I'm not ready. I can't see him right now. I'm not ready. And it is hard not to unlock this door and or give him instantly, running into his arms an forgetting everything that happened. I want to forgive him, I want to be with him. It is taking everything in me not to tell him.

My wolf hasn't talked to me yet. I don't know what to do without her. I haven't shifted in so long. Can I even shift if she's not there?

I huff out in annoyance. I'm sick of being in this room. Sick of being scared to face the world. I'm going to put my big girl pants on. I push the blankets off of me and get out of bed making my way to the bathroom. Catching myself in the mirror, i see just how fucking terrible I look. Bags under my eyes, my cheeks are hollowed out and my hair is a knotted mess. I look away from that sight and hop into the shower.

Stepping out I wrap a fluffy towel around me, feeling instantly better after washing up. I brush the knots out of my hair and let it fall freely down my back. Drying myself off I put on some leggings and a sweatshirt. I slip on my nike sneakers and walk to the door.

I freeze as my hand touches the doorknob. I just need a few more seconds, I need just little more courage before stepping out.

Okay Lane. You can do this. It cant be that hard. I take a deep breath in, and slowly let it out. I twist the doorknob and swing open the door. I slowly walk out, entering the hallway I look around making sure no one is around before continuing down the hallway.

As I get closer to the living room I hear Anna laughing hysterically. Her joyful laughter filling my ears. As I approach the entrance I sniff to see if I can smell him in there. So far no sign of him thank god. I walk into the room going to Anna. I walk around the back of the couch and sit beside her. She looks to see who is sitting next to her. She looks over quickly to see who sits next to her. Her eyes go wide when she sees me.

"Oh my god! Lane your out of your room!" She squeals.

I give her a small smile.

"Yes I am."

"That's my girl!" She says giving me a wink.

"But in all seriousness how are you?" She asks me.

"I'm good. Could be better but definitely good."

"Do you think you'll be ready to face him?"

"Probably not but I'm going to have to deal with it aren't I." I shrug my shoulders expecting fate.

"Well I guess nows that time." She says her gaze flickering to me and something behind me. I freeze up realizing that he is behind me.

"Lane." He says. I turn towards him and make eye contact with him, locking gazes. He looks as bad as I do. Dark bags under his eyes, his hair is a disheveled mess and his clothes are wrinkled. He looks like he hasn't changed them in days.

"Alpha Beckett." I address him formally. He doesn't like that I do that, his eyes flash red.

"Would you mind if we talk?" He asks me.

"Um.. I guess so." He motions me to follow with a snap of his head. I shakily take a breath and stand up following after him.

He begins leading me to the other side of the castle, where his room and office are. We stop in front of his office door. He pulls a set of keys from his pocket and picks through them until he finds a small gold key. He takes the key and unlocks his office door. He twists the knob and swings the door open.

"You lock your office door?"

"all the pack documents are in this room, for the safety and confidentiality of my pack members I keep it locked." Leading me inside he leads me over to a couch and sits down. Patting the spot next to him as a hint to sit down.

Sitting down beside him, I realize how much I've been craving his presence near me.

"So what did you want to talk about?" I ask.

"I wanted to take about the other day. I wanted to apologize, face to face. And um.. explain my side of the story." He says to me. He rubs the back of his neck in a stressful manner.

"I really don't want to hear anything you have to say." I whisper out. Afraid that if I speak to loud I may cry.

"Lane. I need you to let me explain. If you don't believe me fine, you can leave when I'm done talking, but please just let me explain." He pauses and waits for my objection. It doesn't come, I remain silent.

"I was drunk, I know it's not a solid excuse. She was in front of me, flirting with me, trying to get me into bed. I was so upset over hurting you, I wanted some way to block out the pain that I felt for what I did. So I slept with her. But I swear Lane, it was horrible, I regretted it as soon as it began, I tried blocking out my feelings, but all I could think of was your face, your smile, everything about you. And after, I cried. I cried for the betrayal I had just done. I'm a fucking idiot. I cant make up my mind out about you so instead I try and sabotage us in any way possible. For that I'm sorry, just know Lane I'm trying, really trying." His eyes have welled up with tears ready to spill. He sits in silence as I process all he tells me.

"I understand why, what led up to it, why you did it. Subconsciously you want to destroy us, drive such a big wedge between us that we fall apart, our bond destroyed." I look over at him, he watches me intently, gaze unwavering. I lean forward, our noses touching. I lean forward just a bit more, our lips touching. I hold myself against him for a second more, my tears starting to fall.

I pull away and look him right in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Greyson I can't forgive you." I get up from the couch and walk out of his office, leaving him there, tears falling down his face.