Love and hate

Chapter 2

2

We get up without talking. I guess this is what awkward silence is. I haven't realised how much he's grown the past year. He is so tall that my head only reaches his chin. I feel so short next to him. I punch him in the arm.

"Ow! What was that for?" he says.

"You're growing up without me." I murmur without looking at his face. Even without looking at him, I know he is surprised by what I said. Suddenly, he slips his arms around me, pulling me closer to him.

He is hugging me.

Calm down. Friendly hug. Clam down.

Then again, I never got hugged by any boy but my dad. It feels different. Like any ordinary hug. But it's more special. As if I have to cherish it like it's something important.

"Sorry." He speaks, muffled by my hair. I cautiously wrap my arms around his neck. "It's okay. You're just not that little boy I stood up for in prep anymore." I sigh. Without meaning it, my voice sounds sad. He pulls me back, but he doesn't let go of me, he keeps his hands on my waist. I blush at the thought. He just looks at me. Then slowly, he leans in so close to my face that I feel his every breath on my bare neck.

"I really like you, do you know that." He whispers in my ear. "You look beautiful." My heart skips a. I'm so happy I think I forgot how to think. I grab his face in between my hands and lean in. Our faces are only centimetres apart. "I like you too." I whisper. He smiles. There is a bench on the side of the house so we go and sit down there, he looks uncomfortable. Like he needs to say something but he won't say it. Trust me I know, if you're best friends with someone for nine years you'd pick up a few signs. Even though now I don't really know what we are. Friends don't really confess to each other do they? His silence begins to irritate me.

"Jacob what is it?" I say. He exhales like he was holding his breath.

"I... y-you...m-me...um." He stutters. He isn't looking at me anymore. Without thinking, I reach out and hold his hand.

"Uh. Hey it's okay. Um it's me; I'm your best fri..." I stop. What am I to him now? Are we just going to act like nothing happened after today? Somehow that hurts to think about like that. Like this is just a dream.

"See that's it. I don't want to be just friends..." He says it so quietly that if it wasn't just us two then I wouldn't have heard him. But I heard him.

"What am I to you?" I blurt out. He looks surprised. But he smiles. I love his smile. It makes me feel like everything is going to be all right. Like I could just forget all my problems.

He hugs me again but he doesn't let go.

"Um...Jacob..?" I start but he cuts me off.

"Just...let me tell you like this." He says.

"So you don't have to see my face." He says.

I understand. "Okay." I whisper in is ear. He tightens his grip and it hurts my ribs but I don't mind. I wait patiently for him to start talking. Finally, he sucks in a big breath.

"Ever since we began high school... I had this feeling, like nervousness, but for no apparent reason. Since I never felt it before, it kind of scared me. Whenever I see you smile and laugh when we hang out, it makes me happy. But when you smile with other guys at school...I don't know... it feels like my chest hurts. I knew friends aren't supposed to be jealous so it bothered me even more. Heh ... I knew asking dad would be a terrible idea."

I stifle a giggle but I quickly shut up so he can continue.

"So I asked mum...She burst out into tears and screamed throughout the whole damn house saying MY BOY IS IN LOOVE! I swear I was going to commit suicide from embarrassment. But, I realised she was right. Now, I'm so happy that I finally got the nerve to hug you and when you told me you liked me back I felt like ...I don't know ... like everything is right. I wasn't sure how you meant it though; maybe it could mean that you only like me as a friend. To be honest, I'm still not sure, so I'll ask you this to make it clear." He pauses and I think I know what he's going to say. I already know my answer. He pulls me away so I can see his face and its red again.

"Please! Liz will you be my girlfriend?" He blurts out. It sounded nothing like I imagined. It sounded more awkward, cuter. Without saying anything, I smile. He stares at me with a confused look. Before I chicken out, I lean in and touch his lips with mine. "Yes." I whisper. I attempted to stay cool but my brain went spastic, like; OKAY EVERYONE CLAM THE HELL DOWN!!! WE GOT THIS UNDERCONTROL JUST REMEMBER TO INHALE THEN EXHALE!!! Unfortunately for me, it's too late. My face is already burning. I quickly cover it with my hands hoping he hasn't noticed but as I peek though my fingers I see his face is as red as mine probably is.

"Y-you..." he stutters.

Oh no.

What if I just made the worst mistake?

What if he hates me for what I did?

Tears well up in my eyes and I stand up.

"I-I'm sorry." I say before I turn around and walk away. How could I have done that? What is wrong with me? I'm just being selfish again. Thinking only of what I want.

"Liz Wait!" Jacob grabs my hand to stop me from leaving. I turn to see his face. He's embarrassed, but not upset.

"I'm sorry I-" I repeat, but he interrupts.

"No you don't understand! I liked... I m-mean I didn't mind...It was just my first..." He quiets down and diverts his gaze to anywhere but me. He was okay with it? I stood frozen in amazement and triumph. Does this mean we are a couple? I glance at him. He's concentrating on the door. If he glares any harder, I think he will burn a hole right through it. I giggle from my inside joke. He looks at me with a confused face.

"What?" He says,

"Just because I'm a guy it doesn't mean I've already kissed a girl. Of course I haven't though! You're the only girl I've liked since-" He stopped. He seems embarrassed from saying that. So cute. I smile,

"Thanks' Jacob." I walk up to him and gently touch his face.

"Your cheeks are warm." I grin. He looks at me for a while then he reaches out and puts one hand on my waist; the other cautiously lifts up to my cheek. I lean into it. It feels like a dream. A dream I don't want to wake up from.

"So you're my girlfriend now huh?" He has the widest smile. He is the guy I fell for without realising it.

"Best birthday don't you think?" He says. I blush as I try to look away but his hand stops me. With no warning he leans in and kisses me. I lean my head a little to make the kiss last. God... Like I know what I'm supposed to do. My hands move to hold his neck and his arms wrap around me.

Best birthday.