Don't Shoot! (BOYXBOY ONE-SHOTS)

I Don't Like Batman (IndixAleks)

~Original Characters~

"You don't like Batman?" 

That's what I wake up to.  Every day it's something different.  Yesterday, it was "I'm going to make you crepes because I bet you've never had crepes before."  The day before that, it was "We should cosplay together.  We kinda look alike, we could be a cute Hikaru and Kaoru.  You're Kaoru, obviously."  I have indeed eaten crepes before.  I've never cosplayed in my life and I never planned on it, but I didn't have the heart to shoot him down, though, because he gets so happy when I try new things.  

'He' being my boyfriend of three years, Aleks.  Full name- Aleksander Zherkanov.  His Russian heritage gave him overly conservative parents and an extremely sexy accent, because he was raised in Novosibirsk until the age of twelve.  We met in middle school, became best friends, and long story short, we became the biggest cliche in the universe and started dating senior year.  

Unfortunately, I fell in love with the weirdest person in the universe.

Aleks is a bundle of contradictions.  Everyone knew him as the golden boy, foreign but perfect. Straight-A student, star of the soccer team, but otherwise normal in every single way.  Only I knew he was pretending.  After school, he would come over to my house and take advantage of the cable- something his parent's didn't allow, deciding that TV only produced lazy twerps such as me.  To be fair, I was pretty lazy.  

We helped each other.  I showed Aleks how to relax, and he pulled me out of my shell. I was the shy loner up until I met him, sticking to my manga and my anime and my Playstation, while he took me to birthday parties and pushed me off of the diving board at swimming pools- metaphorically and literally pushed me.

Anyways.  Back to the present.

Saturday morning, six AM, and my WONDERFUL boyfriend is waking me up with a question about Batman.  Fucking Batman.  I mumble some unflattering words under my breath and try to roll over onto my side, but all 192 pounds of Aleks is sitting on me so I'm rather stuck.  I try to push him off but alas, this brick wall of a boy is staying put.  "Good lord, Aleks, it's too early for this.  Get off me, give me two more hours, and then we can talk about Vampire Man or whate-"

"BATMAN, Indi-chan, BATMAN."  The honorific sounds ridiculous coming out of his mouth with that accent.  He sighs with exasperation and rolls over next to me, but doesn't give me the two hours I asked for.  No, he proceeds to snuggle me.  

Now, I am not a morning person.  I'm generally not a very cuddly person, despite how Aleks insists that I'm adorable and need to be cuddled.  I don't like being called adorable either.  I'm short, I'm thin, and yes, I'll admit that my eyes are rather nice, but that doesn't add up to adorable.  Eventually, I relent, turning over onto my side to face him.  Aleks is pretty warm, a nice person to have in bed since we cheap out on the heating during the winter in our little apartment.  Why do we need to pay for that when we've got each other and some sweaters?  

"I wish you would stop calling me Indi-chan.  You're Russian, Aleks.  Not Japanese.  I know you just want to be as cool as I am, but it isn't going to happen.  Japanese," I say, pointing to myself, "and not Japanese," I finish, pointing to him.  Aleks just rolls those brown eyes of his and doesn't respond, draping a long arm over my side.  I have to slap him away when his sneaky hand 'accidentally' drifts down to the lower regions.

"Not the ass, Aleks, I'm in a bad mood.  Why do you think I don't like... Batman, or whatever his name is?" I ask with a sigh, sitting up a little and pinching the bridge of my nose.  

"I bought you a Batman shirt last month because you didn't have one, and everyone knows it's a necessary item for any self-respecting male wardrobe.  But you haven't worn it."  He thrusts his lower lip out with a pout, which frankly looks ridiculous because he hasn't shaved yet this morning and he's twenty-one.  

"Seriously?  This couldn't have waited until I woke up?  Fine, Aleks, if it makes you happy, I'll wear it."  I exhale with frustration and get up out of the warm bed, padding across the icy floor to get to my closet.

"Oh, I'm afraid it's not going to be that easy, dearest Indi-chan.  My feelings are hurt and I decided that you need to wear something else to make it up to me."  Aleks grins wickedly, which is unfamilar and frankly startling.  I raise an eyebrow, shutting my closet and turning back to face him.

"Fine.  What?" I ask, already bored with this whole thing.

"They're in the bathroom.  Don't come out until you've put them on."  I raise an eyebrow at his order, but do as he says because my curiosity is getting the better of me.

I shut the bathroom door behind me, my eyebrow raising at the plain paper bag on the counter.  Just a lunch bag.  I reach inside, the paper rustling as I do, and pull out the plastic package.

I'm going to kill him.  I really am.

***

"Fine, I'm coming.  I fucking hate you though, you know that?" I shout from the bathroom, shivering because all I'm wearing is a fucking pair of fucking Batman briefs.  I don't normally swear this much but then again, I don't normally get up at six in the morning to make my boyfriend happy by wearing a highly unnecessary pair of underwear.

I turn the door knob, fixing him with a glare that warns him I will throw him on a funeral pyre and sent him straight to the fiery pits of hell if he even dares to laugh.  Thankfully, his expression is blissfully blank, though there's something dancing in his eyes.  

"You realize I only told you to put those on, correct?  I didn't tell you to take all of your clothes off, Indi."  He smirks at me, but that smirk is wiped away when I lunge at him, bloodlust lighting up in my eyes.

But then somehow we're kissing.  He always manages to do that, distracting me with his tongue when I'm mad at him.  I give up with a sigh, letting him pull me into his lap and arrange the blankets around me.  

"Admit it.  You like Batman." 

"Never," I growl faux-menacingly, nipping at his neck.  

"Ouch! I didn't know you were a biter."

"Only when I'm mad at you."  But I'm not mad.  I never really get mad at him.  Just peeved.

But I swear to god, if he wakes me up tomorrow and forces me into a pair of Spiderman boxers, he's never getting laid again.

~Well that was cute.  Indi and Aleks have been in my head for a while, and you may see them again later.  Hope you enjoyed that little slice o' life! More to come.~