Broken

Broken: Chapter 6

I tried not to feel a tremendous amount of pride as I watched Bucky talking and laughing with his oldest friend, but I couldn't keep the smile off my face. I couldn't believe that just a few weeks prior he hardly spoke – let alone smiled – when he was around other people. Seeing him with someone from outside, even if it was an old friend, I realized the man I'd seen the first night was beginning to disappear and was being replaced by the real James "Bucky" Barnes I knew was hidden.

"So, Des," Sam said after we adjourned to the living room to nurse our beers. "How long have you been here?"

I pretended to think. "Let's see, I got here on a Thursday and it's Tuesday so about seven weeks."

"Eight," Bucky corrected, grinning behind his bottle before taking a quick drink.

"Seems a lot shorter." I caught his eye and we shared a smile. "Then again, it feels like I've always been here."

"What are your plans after you leave?" Steve, who was the only one of us not enjoying a drink, asked.

"I don't know yet." I looked down at the floor, not wanting Bucky to see the sadness the thought of my leaving caused. "Wakanda's kind of grown on me, but there's not much call for my services here. Guess I'll figure it out when the time comes."

"You could just stay," Bucky blurted out, surprising us all. He quickly lowered his eyes as his cheeks reddened. "I'm sure King T'Challa and Shuri would be happy to help you settle here. If you wanted to, I mean."

"It's a thought." I stood up and stretched, pretending to be more tired than I was. "Well, gents, I think I'll turn in. Since y'all are staying the night, your welcome to fight over the sofa. There are blankets inside the bottom drawer of the coffee table. Night."

I waved as they all said good night before ducking into my room and closing the door. Once I was comfortability alone, I giggled. While my rational mind told me Bucky was in no place to even consider romantically, I was flattered he'd shown an interest in me. A handsome, kind man like him would be a catch for any woman let alone one like me.

Still, he was a man exorcizing his demons and I was only there to ease him through the process. I wouldn't take advantage of his weakened state just to feed my low self-esteem. We both deserved better than that.

As I drifted off to sleep to the sound of muffled conversation and laughter, I reminded myself that Bucky would make some woman very happy one day.

That bitch better treat him right.

When I got up the next morning, the sky was just beginning to turn gray as I got dressed. Silently making my way out of my quarters, I smiled when I saw Sam sprawled out across the sofa sound asleep.

Alone in the semi-darkness, I went to sit beside the lake for my morning meditation. It was the only time of day I relaxed and let my empathic ability free. As soon as I exhaled, I was greeted by a crashing wave of emotions that washed over me and flowed through me in an uncensored chaotic mass of feelings. I felt everything, raw and unfettered, all at once until I couldn't tell where I ended and the world began. Wrapped in the endless commotion of a million feelings I felt the completeness of being an empath and was finally at peace.

"Good morning, Des," I heard Steve say as he eased up behind me.

Unable to close myself off quickly enough, I felt the anticipation of seeing me and the pleasure of being alone with me. Not that he enjoyed being around me; the distrust of me was only held at bay by an underlying concern for his friend. I could make out Bucky as he closed the distance between us and knew he had come to make sure I understood he wouldn't allow me to be another damaging force. He was going to stop me no matter what.

"Bucky's a good man, Steve," I said before he could begin his speech. "And yes, I find him attractive. But I'm only here to help him work through his issues. I'm not going to take advantage of him."

"Sam said you were a mind reader."

I laughed. "I'm an empath, not a mind reader. I pick up on the emotions of others. Sometimes those emotions are connected to something tangible like a name or a place, but I don't know what people are actually thinking."

He sat down beside me. "So what am I feeling now?"

"You're worried that I'll hurt Bucky by using him. You're worried that his mental state makes him an easy target for me." I sighed, saddened by the most pronounced emotion. "You feel like I'm not good enough for him because I'm not pretty or thin enough."

"It's not personal. Bucky's my best friend."

"And he deserves someone who doesn't look like me." I felt years of anger welling up inside. "You feel like he should be with someone beautiful like your pretty little blonde."

"Wait. I never-"

I cut him off. "You didn't have to. I can feel it. You look at me and instantly feel I'm not good enough for him."

"Destiny, I didn't-"

"Didn't what? Didn't think some fat chick should be cozied up to your bestie? Jesus, Steve. I saw you before you became Captain America. A ninety-pound little shit women wouldn't give the time of day to. How dare you pass judgment on me?"

"I wasn't-"

I stood up and jammed my finger in his face. "Let me tell you one damn thing, Mister All-American, every time I look in the mirror I see who I am the same as you. For years, I let people stomp me into the ground because I wasn't the thinnest or the prettiest. Instead of telling those people off, I swallowed their bullshit. But instead of eating a handful of pills or a bullet, I ate a donut. And I'm glad I did because it made me stronger and eventually those idiots didn't matter because what they – y'all – saw as flaws helped me help others. And I'm damn proud of that. So you can take your standards and your preconceived notions and shove them right up your ass because I know I'm more than good enough. I'm amazing."

"I'm sorry." Wide-eyed and in shock, he scrambled to his feet. "You're right. I shouldn't have judged your intentions toward Bucky. I didn't mean to assume you were toying with him. It's just the way he looks at you and smiles when he talks about you, I just thought..." He trailed off. "I didn't think you were his type."

I rolled my eyes. "First off, I'm not his type or anybody else's for that matter. I'm my own person. Secondly, I'm his friend. That's all. Lastly, you really are the world's biggest idiot."

I stormed back into my quarters before he could say another word. Rushing passed Sam as he was getting up, I turned away so he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes, but he could still tell I was upset.

"Des, you okay?" He called after me.

"Yeah. Just need a shower." I replied before disappearing into my room.

Falling down face first on my bed, I sobbed softly. I wasn't upset about how Steve felt. His opinion didn't matter to me. I was upset because I felt the same way. I wasn't good enough for Bucky and never would be.