Darling You'll be Okay

Break The Barricade

Sam's POV:

Me and Alex spend a lot of time together over the next week or so.
We go out for coffee and talk and even if it's nothing important we talk. Whenever the guys have a drinking night and he gets drunk, he crawls into my bed and talks to me about space while sobbing hysterically. I always know it's him and tonight is one of those nights.
"Sammy," Alex's voice whispers, interrupting my sleep.
"Mmmhmm," I grumble and I hear Alex sniffle.
"Can I come in?" he asks and I move over a little in response. I feel the bed sink with his weight and his little voice laced with tears.
"Sammy?" he whispers, sniffling and I groan, turning over so I can face him.
"Lex," I complain and he sniffles. In response I wrap my arms around him and sigh, letting him cry into my chest.
"The world is so big," he cries and I nod.
"I know Lex, I know," I whisper and continue to hug him as the tears stream down his face.
"Shhh, go to sleep Alex it's okay," I coo and he nods, quieting down and falling asleep remarkably quickly. I do the same, my body exhausted as I hug Alex limply, his motionless body sound asleep in my arms.

I wake up and Alex is still asleep. His chest rises and falls as he breathes deeply and his head is resting on my chest.

I must have fallen asleep again because when I wake up, Alex wakes up not even a minute later. His eyes flutter open as he looks at me.
"Survived another night," he whispers and I give a huff of a laugh. He yawns and rolls onto his back. We lie there in silence for a few moments.
"Sorry if I woke you last night," he says softly and I shake my head.
"It's okay," I say and he looks at me.
"You were going off about how the world was so big," I say to him and he chuckles.
"It is big though," he says and I nod.

We both get changed and then I walk out into the kitchen. Vic is there already and he looks at me softly as I come in. I go around and give him a hug.
"Do you know what day it is today?" he whispers softly and I bite my lip, nodding.
"Seven years today," I whisper and he nods.
"I'm sorry Sammy," he whispers, pulling away just enough to look at me, stroking the hair from my face. His touch so gentle.
Seven years since my parents died in a car crash.
That's a big milestone.
In response to Vic, I just wrap my arms around him more, hugging him possibly tighter than I've ever done before.

*flashback: funeral*

Mama Fuentes helps me tie my hair into a nice bun. I've already got the dress on. Black. Mama Fuentes is dressed in black too. So is Papa Fuentes and Mike and Vic. Suits and ties. All black.
My mother wanted colour.
I stand next to Vic and he doesn't say anything, just looks at me and honestly, right now, I wish I was dead. But I stand, silent. Distancing myself from everyone. Alone.

Mum and dad aren't here. Well, they are here, just not alive. They aren't here to deal with relatives and workmates and friends for me. All of which seem to be set on talking to me. Saying that they're sorry. Why are they sorry? They didn't kill them.
Everyone talks to me and I hate it. All I really want to do is go home and sleep. Sleep until this painful day is over. But once it's over, my parents will be no more. Gone. For good, good.
"Hey Sammy," I hear Vic say as he comes up beside me. I just look at him. He knows that I feel nothing. I told him this morning in a desperate attempt to feel something, anything. He's pretty much left me alone for the funeral. He said he was trying to give me space to grieve but in reality, he's here with his girlfriend and all I really wanted was a hug. I know I won't get it, not with her around. Mike sat next to me during the funeral. He held my hand when the tears dripped silently off my nose.
"Just ignore him Sammy. He's being a real jerk right now and he knows it," he whispered to me when Vic pretty much ignored me. Looked right through me. So now I ignore him. If he didn't want to acknowledge my presence, then I won't either.
"Sam, please talk to me," he begs and I bite my lip to keep from crying.
"Why? You've got your girlfriend for that," I say, more bitter than I intended and when he looks at me frowning, I just bite my lip, trying not to cry. Now I've done it. I've upset him.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that," I whisper, trembling and his gaze softens as he sighs.
"Sam look at me," he says softly and I look at him, tears starting to run down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, the tears now coming faster.
"Hey, hey Sam it's okay," he says softly.
"All I wanted was a hug," I whisper, crying and Vic crouches down in front of me, taking my hands in his.
"Baby girl, you are so much more important to me than she ever will be. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been so rude to you, I get it. And I think that you are so incredibly strong to be able to go through all this. I'm sorry Sam," he says gently and I let out a compressed sob.
"I needed you Vic," I whisper and he nods.
"I know sweetheart, I know and I completely understand if you never want to speak to me again," he says and I bite my lip, calming down slightly.
Some of mum's co-workers come up to me and I really don't want another pointless apology so I look at Vic desperately and he nods, telling them a fancy grown up, polite version of get lost.
"Thanks," I whisper and he nods sadly. He's dressed up in a nice black suit whereas I'm in a nice black dress. Mama Fuentes helped me choose it.
"You look nice," I whisper shakily and he doesn't say a word, just pulls me into a hug and I can feel the tears falling fast and I just cry onto Vic. Onto the nice suit and it hurts so badly.
"I want mama," I sob and Vic nods, tears streaming down his face as he presses me into him more and he nods.
"I know baby girl, I know," he chokes. I have never seen Vic cry and it upsets me. He pulls away for just a moment so he can look at me.
"They're not coming back are they?" I ask him quietly through my sobbing and he bites his lip, shaking his head.
"No darling they're not," he says gently, his voice laced with tears and I nod, fresh tears streaming down my cheeks.
"Can we go somewhere Vic?" I ask, whispering and he nods, leading me through the sea of adults and old people to a quiet spot outside on a bench and there I start screaming and Vic's got tears streaming down his face and I cry so hard. Mike finds us outside and by then my crying has subsided into a faint hiccup sniffle thing and I'm on Vic's lap when he crouches down in front of us.
"Do you want something to eat Sammy?" he asks me gently and I shake my head no. Mama Fuentes sees us from the path and Vic's mouthing something to her and she's nodding, cupping a hand over her mouth as tears stream down her face. Suddenly Vic shifts himself and I look at him.
"Do you want me to take you home Sam?" he asks me gently and I nod.
"Okay then, let's go home and watch a movie or something hey?" he says and I nod. I let myself be led to Vic's car. Mike hops in as well and he calls someone but I can't really hear him. When we get home, I immediately change out of my dress into a T-shirt and some sweatpants. Vic emerges a moment later wearing the same thing. We sit on the couch and pick a movie and Mike joins us but I stay close to Vic, resting my head on his shoulder. He's holding my hand and I must be squeezing it so tightly. Trying not to cry again. If I let go I'll break.
Mike leaves and returns a little while later with pizza. I nibble on a slice, not really touching it and it remains half eaten on a plate for most of the afternoon.