We Can't Be

Chapter 1

The smell of coffee greeted me as soon as I enter the place. He took off his earphones when he recognized na ako pala ang pumasok sa café.

"Coftea," Basa ko sa print ng isang cup. I was walking around the café at dahan-dahan kong pinagmamasdan ang mga gamit. Walang trace ng alikabok, halatang nililinisan talaga.

"So?" He raised one of his brows and flashes his goofy smile.

"So?" Ginaya ko ang tono ng boses niya. Bahagya siyang napatawa sa ginawa ko. I just ignore him and continues to roam around.

It's a cafe. The interior, ambiance and choice of music is beyond great. Knowing the fact that Dawson managed this café, I doubt it kung hindi mo magugustuhan ang lugar.

"C'mon, Corine Maureese. I don't think na kaya mo ang trabaho dito," I rolled my eyes heavenward which made him laugh again. Try me.

"Minamaliit mo ba ang kakayahan ko, Dos?" I said and he chuckled. Well, their shop is known here in Makati. Expected na maraming tao ang pupunta dito. He always thought na hindi ko kaya ang mabilisang trabaho for he always sees myself in fancy clothes doing some shoot. I'm a freelance model sa US but modelling isn't my thing. Kailangan lang kasi ng pera kaya pinatulan ko nalang ang trabahong 'yon.

"Gipit na gipit talaga, eh no?" I don't know kung ma o-ofend ako sa sinabi niya o matatawa. But it's true, walang wala talaga ako.

"Dos." I said in a low tone. He just raised one of his brows and smiled. Ngiting pangpikon. Pinipikon niya lang ako eh. Sinasayang niya lang din oras ko.

"Coffee, I know I'm handsome you don't have to stare me that way."

Coffee

Everyone used to call me Coffee

But he was an exemption.

"You know what, you can ask money from your parents."

"Parents? Nah." I can, yes. But that was four years ago. Noong tinalikuran ko lahat, kasama sila sa mga iniwan ko. Tinalikuran ko na rin si Mama. It's not that wala na akong access sa kanya pero madalang nalang kung kinakausap ko siya. At ang panget naman kung sasalobungin ko siya ng 'ma, pahinge pera' and it's a different story with Papa.

"Do you still live in Oueda?"

"Yup, Oueda Subdivision pa rin," He took a glance sa phone niya. Maybe he's checking if may messages or missed calls ba. He then put it in his pocket. Umupo siya sa may tapat ng counter table at tinitigan ako. His eyes were full of questions.

I know that look.

“What do you have in mind?" I know he wanted to ask. I know he has a lot of questions running in his mind right now. And I know he won't ask unless I'll give him the permission to ask.

"How are you?" I consciously shrugged. Nabigla ako ng konti sa tanong. I can sense that he's serious. I bet he is really asking if I am okay. Simula nong dumating ako sa Pilipinas, di pa kami nakapag usap. Yung sincere talk talaga.

"Okay." Simpleng sagot ko.

"Ayan na naman po tayo." Yes, we both knew I'm not. Dos have been my buddy. He almost knew my story. Kumbaga siya yung human diary ko. But that was before. Cause now, he barely knows my story because of my dramatic exit in his life. I tend to tell him everything. Whenever I needed somebody to talk to, he's always there. What I loved about him is that he won't mind if iiyak ka or magdadrama, he'll just listen.

He was my haven.

"How long has it been, Coffee? Four years? Oh, four years" Inilayo ko agad ang pagkatitig ko sa kanya.

"Four years mo na yang ginagamit ang salitang 'okay'. Wala na bang bago diyan?" Four years. It has been four years pero 'di parin ako okay. Bumaba ako sa counter table at tinapik and balikat niya. Nahagip na naman ng mga mata ko ang picture frame and I think he noticed that I am quite staring at the picture for a while.

"You can ask." And I won't.

"Isang caramel macchiato nga," Mabilis siyang napailing sa sinabi ko.

"Hindi ka nga talaga okay." Instead of getting some caramel macchiato for me, he gave me a can of beer. I stare at the beer for a while and I can already taste the alcohol.

"Pampasarap sa kwentuhan." He remembers. I once told him na beers make everything possible for me. Mas nakakapag open up ako tuwing lasing.

"Hindi na gagana sa'kin 'yan." He never bothers to listen. He opens the can, pour out some beer in a solo cup, and handed it to me.

Tempting

Very tempting

Huwag mag papatukso, Corine.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Don't do-

"Akin na." I heard him chuckled. Napairap lang ako sa kanya.

"I thought 'di ka kakagat sa patibong." That's beer how can I neglect them?

"I need to hear everything from you. Hindi mo naman ipagdadamot 'yon diba?"

I just nod as an answer to his question. There was a moment of silence for us. Tahimik niya lang pinapakinggan ang mga buntong hininga ko. Hinintay niya lang akong mag salita. I don't know where to start. I don't know how to tell him how life fucked me up.

How life fucked me hard.

For the past four years naging mahina ako. I don't even remember who's my source of strength is. Basta ang alam ko masakit.

Masakit.

Mahirap.

"Punyeta, ang daya ng tadhana."