We Can't Be

Chapter 2

Kung iisipin ginusto ko naman 'to. Ako yung nang-iwan. Ako yung hindi lumaban pero bakit ako yung nahihirapan? Bakit ako yung hindi mapakali? Bakit ako yung mas nasasaktan?

"You're invited," Binigay niya sakin ang isang sobreng color blue. I exhaled. "You're insensitive," Binuksan ko ang sobre at malungkot na napangiti. It's a wedding invitation.

Gabe and Via are getting married

"So the wedding's happening in three months," My voice catches. "Am I really invited?"

"Hiling ni Via." His expression is filled with concern. "Hiniling din ba ni Gabe?" I whisper. Hiniling din ba ni Gabe na makita ako? Hiniling din ba ni Gabe na nandoon ako? Of course, hindi. Ba't naman gugustuhin niyang makita ang babaeng sinaktan siya diba?

"Ayoko," I leaned into him. My hands were shaking and I don't know if it's because from the cold night air or nervousness. Bakit ba ako kinakabahan?

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah I'm okay." I'm not. I'd never been okay.

Hi am home sent

Itinago ko ang phone ko at huminga ng malalim. Napatingin ako sa mga butuin ng ilang mga segundo. I never associated the word "dark" with night. I feel like it is still the brightest because I have stars. I have my stars in the sky that's why I never felt alone. But sometimes when they are nowhere to be found I'll just tell myself that they are behind the thick clouds and they are still there. They never left.

Dali-dali kong binuksan ang pinto nang makita ko ang sasakyan niya sa labas. Naabutan ko siyang nakatitig sa akin.

I took few steps heading to him.

"I should be angry with you. Galit dapat ako sa'yo. Galit dapat ako sa pag-iwan na ginawa mo. Galit dapat ako sayo, Coffee. Galit na galit dapat," I just shook my head off. He has every right to be angry.

"Pero bakit hindi? Bakit hindi ko magawang magalit sa'yo?" Tumingala ako ng konti sa kanya. Tears spilled over the side of his eyes. Those eyes. Those eyes were never sad.

"Third," As more tears came, more regrets spun through my head. "I am sorry."

He hugged me tightly, "She's gone. Lianne's gone," He sniffled quietly. There's pain in his voice. We stay in this position for a while. Pinigilan kong umiyak. Ayokong makita niya akong umiiyak. Ayokong makita niya akong mahina.

"I hate you, Coffee." Natahimik ako.

"I hate you for leaving," Nginitian ko lang siya.

"I want to feel better. I want to be okay," Dagdag niya.

"I can't help you. I'm not okay either."

"Isang tao lang naman yung nang-iwan sa'kin pero ba't parang yung buong mundo ang nawala?" Ginulo niya ang buhok niya at huminga ng malalim, "Yung taong 'yon pala ang mundo ko." Lianne died two years ago and until now Third's still hurting.

"I tried dating pero wala, eh. Meron talagang nag-iisang tao lang na gusto ng puso natin at kahit kalian di mo magawang palitan," kaya pala

"That's how he also felt." My heart skipped a beat.

Gabe

Ako pa rin ba?

"He's getting married." Medyo kumirot ang puso ko matapos kong sabihin na ikakasal na siya.

"Sobrang aga mo kasing tinapos ang storya niyo."

"Ba't mo kasi tinapos agad, Coffee." Our story was different to theirs. It was us against the world. Now I wonder if I did take risk will I not I regret?

His phone glows amidst the darkness of the place. Then suddenly it rang. Medyo nasira ang drama namin dahil sa isang tawag.

Uno

It's Uno

Malamig ang gabi pero pingpapawisan ako. My heart was pounding as he answered his phone. I felt of anxiety deep down. I not ready to face him yet.

"I'm with Coffee" He said. Nilibang ko ang sarili ko sa paglalaro ng mga daliri ko. I can feel how my hands were trembling.

"Oo, sige." He then hangs up.

"Hey, It's just Uno." Yes, It's Uno. How can I face Uno? With uneasy breathing I asked, "Bakit daw?" binalik niya ang phone niya sa bulsa, "He wanted to see you," I sighed as response

"Why?" He asked in confusion.

"Huh? Wala naman." Napansin niyang hindi yata ako mapakali.

"You're a bit uncomfortable." No. I'm really uncomfortable.

Inaya ko siyang pumasok sa bahay dahil malamig na talaga sa labas.

"Coffee?" I asked

"No. I'll go with tea," He teased.

Pumunta ako sa kitchen at para mag timpla ng kape. He doesn't like tea allergic siya 'kuno' sa tea pero sa totoo lang ayaw niya lang talaga ng lasa ng tea. Nag-init ako ng tubig at palihim kong sinilip si Third kung ano ang ginagawa niya. Tinititigan niya lang ang bahay. Palakad-lakad din siya sa salas at tinitingnan ang mga gamit. Napangisi lang siya nang napansin niya nakatingin ako sa kanya.

"It's a little bit shabby. Hindi pa kasi ako nakakaligpit ng maayos," I put the coffee powder into the cup and pour the hot water then add a little bit of sugar.

"Tutulungan kitang mag-ayos 'pag di ako busy." He offered. Biglang nag ring ulit ang phone niya at kunot-noong sinagot niya ito.

"Now? It's already late," Tinignan niya ang wrist watch niya, "Sige, be there in 20 minutes."

"Aalis ka na?"

"I love to stay pero kailangan ako ng kompanya ngayon." I guess it's really important kaya tango lang ang tugon ko.

"Bye, Fee." He get his car key at the living room table at hinatid ko siya palabas. He hop into his car then wave at me through the window. Papasok n asana ako ng bahay ng bigla siyang magsalita ulit.

"By the way, wag mong inumin ang kape dadating si Uno bigay mo nalang 'yon sa kanya." Then he waves again. For the second time, I felt uneasy, again. I rubbed my hands to feel warmth and goes inside the house.

Third never knew. Third never knew what's my relationship with Uno, basta ang alam niya magkaibigan kami. But no. I guess we're not.

I want to feel better but I can't control my episodes.

I stayed uneasy for couple of minutes.

Then I suddenly heard a knock.

Breathe

Breathe, Coffee.

Breathed in.

I opened the door and saw Uno. Just like before he had this cold stares and emotionless face.

"Coffee,"

My heart thudded in my chest. I couldn't stand near him. My legs were shaking, lips were trembling and hands were sweating.

No

Not now, please.

My heart seems to pound even faster and harder. I tried to breathe to calm myself but I couldn't.

"Uno."

My vision suddenly became blurry.