Shortcuts: Little Ways to Deal with Depression

Small Victories

I made it to class today. When my alarm went off I was already bitter because I didn't sleep well since insomnia has made me its plaything this past week again. I snoozed the alarm and rolled back over. It went off again, but I stayed in bed. I stayed in bed until I looked at the time and realized I wasn't going to make it to class on time, even if I got up right that very second. Maybe I should just stay in bed. No, I thought, I'm never on time to class, so no one would be surprised if today was no different. I could still make coffee on my way out the door, as long as I threw it in a travel mug. So I did. When I finally made it to class, I was even a few minutes early.
Class was nothing special. Nothing wondrous or life changing happened. Three hours of lecture that made me want to scream, my professor saying "it's in your book" more times than I can count and reading directly from the PowerPoint, and a two hour window of content with no breaks. All reasons that usually keep me from wanting to go to class, but I went anyways.
On my way out the door, I said hello to a friend I hadn't spoken to since we left after finals week. I was honest, and told her I had been depressed since I got back in town and missed everyone back home. She nodded, and said she missed her family, too. We talked about Netflix shows and parted ways.
Once I got home I stared at the mountain of dishes piled up in the sink and then again because in order to clear that mountain, I had to manage the already clean ones in the dishwasher. Doing the dishes makes me sick. I put my school things away and started to get ready for a shower until I remembered the dishes. I was all but in the shower, then realized I'd be much more comfortable doing the dishes before I got all cleaned up. So I did. I played some music and took care of both the dishwasher and the mountain of dishes, and then went to shower. I even sang along to some of the songs.
None of these things are impressive. Not one of these things will change the world or have impact on anyone else but myself and maybe my neighbor if they knock on the door and ask me for some sugar, which has never happened but is probably possible. But considering I've been depressed for the week I've spent back on my college campus, barely able to do more than exist and force myself to eat, these things are monumental. People dont usually struggle with things like going to class, showering, and doing the dishes all in one day, but it's a very real obstacle. Most days my brain says, "nope, you get to choose one productive thing to do today, but know you're going to be physically exhausted after." Today was different. I dont know what tomorrow will be like. Tomorrow I may be so numb that I just sit there in bed for hours, or stare at the TV screen and hope drowning myself in media will finally make me feel something again. I may not even get more than two hours of sleep tonight. But I made it to class today.