01-11-2020
i get home. I talk inside. I call Emily to come over. I get cleaned up and then cleaned the rest of the house as fast as i can before she gets to my house. A couple of minutes after i was done. She called me and said she was outside. I walked as fast as i can to the door. But i stopped in front of the door. Just to see if i look cool like the idiot that i am. when i opened the door she was standing there in sweat pants and a shirt.
'Hey stupid' she said with a smile on her face
'Hey smart ass' i said smiling back
'So we going to talk about this ore what?' she asked nicely
'Yeah. Just come in first' i said
She walked inside. She tuck a seat next to me on the couch. We spent almost two hours talking about every thing from the beginning till the end. After the talk it was about 12. She didn't wanna leave sins it was to late, so i told her she could sleep at my place till the next day but the only problem was that i only had one bed. So i offered her to sleep on my bed and i would sleep on the couch. But she told me that it wouldn't be a bed thing if i sleep with her. She just has a way with words that she managed to convince me to sleep next to her on a bad, but maybe deep down i wanted to sleep next to her. Long story short one thing led to another. We kissed, we cuddled, well ill let you imagine the rest.
2-11-2020
I woke up. it's 6:39. i was up before Emily. i couldn't believe what happened last night. it's fun when you see friends sleep together in movies but in real life it's just fucking awarded. That little feeling of regret mixed with the feeling of what's going to happen next. if you two are going to get together? What happens if you two break up? Ore the friendship would end right then and there? So many questions that they never give the full answers to in the movies.
' Oh your up. Sleep well' said Emily with a sleepy voice and with a smile on her pretty little face
i guess for her its not awarded at all.
'Yeah. i guess i did sleep well after what happened last night' i said smiling back to her
She gets closer to me and whispered in my ear 'i don't know what's going to happened next but i hope this can go somewhere between us. Cause i really like you and i wanna know if you like me to?'
i got off the bed i put on my clothes. She was just sitting there looking at me wondering what i was going to say back to her.
I turned to her and said ' I want us to be something but i need to figure out some shit first' i told her nicely. I couldn't tell her how insecure i'm and how much my thoughts get in the way of all my relationships.
'Oh ok. well when you get you're stuff figured out let me know. Ok.' she said with a smile on her face
'Yeah' i said
' But hey maybe we can be like friends with benefits in the mean time? Like if it's cool with you.' she asked kindly. i could see it on her face she was hoping i would say yes.
'i don't think it would work. ill just bring more confusion along the way trust me. I said kindly in return. The old me would have said 'Yes!' with out thinking. But it's time for a change even tho people never change when they say there going to. I really don't want to be in any relationship after all that's been happening in my life. And i don't want my inner thoughts about Skye to ruined what could be a great relationship.
'Ok well ill be her for you' she said
But i could i could hear the disappointment in the sound of her voice. And that makes one more fear i have and that to make a wrong decision ore make mistakes. Cause every decision you make, makes your future so every wrong decision can make you future a living hell so you could say I'm just scared of the future.
As she gets dressed to leave i thought to myself this girl is amazing. Why did i waste my time with Skye with all the jealousy and worries, but what am i saying Skye is as amazing as she is. And i could say with no shame that i truly loved Skye. But now i moved on and that's all thanks to Emily and i'm at peace. i have bed peace.
