Dead in your eyes (Aaron Carpenter)

Steven by Jake Miller

Let me tell you about a kid named Steven

He's slowly running out of things to believe in

Every couple of months his mom leaves him,

for no good reason his step-dad beats him

Not too many friends, only ever had a few of them,

but recently they don't want anything to do with him

Always eating lunch in the bathroom stall,

he just wants to feel normal and be cool again, yeah

Always feeling like the outcast, he's been going crazy ever since his dad passed

He needs guidance and advice but instead

he only has breakdowns and flashbacks of the car crash uh

It's been getting harder everyday, if he was still around everything would be OK

'Cause his dad was always the light at the end of the tunnel,

but now that same damn tunnel is looking dark and grey

He keeps quiet in the back of the class

and when the bell rings Steven hurries home fast

scared to death the other kids will kick his ass on the long walk home

'Cause its happened in the past so

He's getting used to the black eyes and fat lips

but all he's got is a fake smile and cut wrists

Wishin' he could walk right up to them and show them the scars

and say look you're the reason that I've done this

Maybe they would finally understand and go back to how it was before it all began

But he's just a little different so they taunt him and they beat him

Yeah it's all just fun and games, they don't give a damn, yeah

His older brother ain't around, in and out of jail, hanging with the wrong crowd

He's been doing coke, smoking weed, getting drunk all his life he's a shame

no, he's not too proud

Now his habits are rubbing off on his little bro yeah, but guess what?

Little did he know that every time he did a line,

every time he lit a joint,

every time he took a shot he would set the mode,

So Steven's sitting in his room getting high now

Doors locked, music up, with his lights out

He just takes another toke til his room fills with smoke

5-6-7 hours til he knocks out

Now he started stealing pills from his mom

8-9-10 at a time and now they're gone

and maybe for a moment all his problems seem to fade,

but the high fades too after not too long

and that's when it really sinks in and that's when it hits him

that these god damn drugs won't fix him

Curled up on the floor, can't take it anymore

Now he's talking to God 'cause he's the only one that gets him

On his knees, looking up, can't stop crying

"God I know we haven't talked in a long time

but this time I really need you. Please God help me, say something

just give me a sign, because now I'm falling apart and

I don't think that I can do it. Please God, give me the strength

to pull through it. Tell me, Should I give up? I could end it all right now.

I just don't know if I'm brave enough to do it.

'Cause there's gotta be a better way than suicide.

Try to wait it out, give it time, you'll be fine.

But it's been so long and I still haven't been able to get rid

of all the thoughts that I feel inside. So sick, so angry, so mad

and to top it off no one even knows that"

That's when he stood up, wiped his tears, walked over to his desk

and got a pen and a notepad

He just couldn't see it getting any better

So on a cold dark night in December, Steven knew exactly what he had to do

But first he sat down and wrote a couple letters

One to his step-dad, one to his mother,

couple to the kids at school, one to his brother

Bringing them the pain that they once brought him

tear drops on the paper one after another

Yeah, I hope that you all feel guilty.

'Cause I'm broken now and you can't heal me

And now you're all an accomplice in murder

each and every one of you has chipped in to kill me

So the reason that I'm writing you this evening,

is to say goodbye and to tell you that I'm leaving

But don't hold your breath 'cause I ain't never coming back

Sincerely yours, Steven