Always (A Justin Bieber Pervy Love Story)

Chp. 23: Shut Up and Hold Me

April's POV

Pain.

That word was the only thing I felt after my conversation with Sam. I can't believe in what she's turned to. Is that how much she loves Justin? She would forget about all what we've been through just so she could be happy? How selfish can she be. Technically, Justin's still my boyfriend because we haven't broken up. They just assumed I was dead. To be honest, I have all the rights over Justin, but did I snatch him back? No. I was thinking about what would Sam feel like. Every time I make a move I always think about someone else's concern. Am I too selfless or too kind? I guess I should start loving myself..

Blinking through the tears, I hug my mum back as hard as I could. I was surprised she took my return calmly and not dramatically wailing. After I explained everything to her, I told her to leave the problems to me. I want to solve these, on my own; without depending on someone.

"Mum," I sniff in her tiny arms. "Why can't I be happy? Why does the world hate me? Why am I suffering through all these when I haven't done anything bad? Am I that bad?"

"Sweetie," she starts, running her warm palm on my head. "You can't please everybody. Whenever you make a move, there's always gonna be someone who has something to say about it."

I sigh and let out another round of tears as soon as I heard her response. She's right. I can't please everybody. "What am I going to do, mum?"

She pulls out of the hug and rests her hand on my cheek, rubbing it softly and gently. "Just keep doing what you want. If you know that you're not doing anything bad, then continue what you're doing. Don't let other people take you down. Just smile and say 'thank you' to whatever they're gonna throw at you--whether it's nice or mean." Her hand falls into mine and holds it. "Smile, April."

I managed to force myself a weak smile at mum. And with that she returns it.

"I'm going downstairs to prepare our dinner. Will you be okay here?" She inquires, concern written all over her blue eyes.

I nod and she squeezes my hand before going out the door, closing it behind her. Cue silent bawls. I can't show my mum how weak I am. She's been through a lot and she doesn't need another bag to carry over her shoulders. With mum's words, I got even more depressed and confused. Now, what will I do? I don't know who should I follow; my heart or my brain.

"Get Justin back because he's yours, babe." says my beating heart.

"No. Just let them be and continue whatever you're doing and try to forget Justin. You have more important things waiting for you." commands my brain.

As if on cue, my phone vibrates. I pull it out of my front pocket and position it in front of my face. I scrunch my face at the name.

From: Sam

April, come back to the hospital ASAP.

To: Sam

Why should I? I'm not welcome in there anyways.

I'm about to throw my phone somewhere in my bed when it rings. Groaning, I reluctantly answered it without reading who it was.

"What do you want, Sam?!" I basically shout at my phone.

"AJ."

With that word, my whole world stops. It was him. My tears were threatening to spill but I held them back sternly.

"AJ, how are you?" He repeats my name. Why did you call Justin?

I open my mouth to respond but no words were coming out. I don't have time to respond as I ended the call. I can't talk to him. My throat ran dry when I tried to. It's painful. I wipe the almost-tears in my eyes and sigh.