on patrol | vol. ii ✓

CHAPTER TWENTY NINE.

Hansol isn't sure why he's heading to the kitchen to make coffee nearing midnight. While he may have high tolerance for caffeine (thanks to all the energy drink he's been guzzling since joining his current crew), he knows that he won't be achieving anything positive or useful by consuming it when he should be in bed soon. He glances at the jar of coffee now in his right hand and then hums lowly, turning it around as if he's seeing it for the first time.

Then with a click of his tongue, Hansol shoves the jar back into the cabinet and then pulls out a bag full of teabags instead, figuring that it might be a wiser alternative to coffee, given the time. He strums his fingers against the counter he's leaning against as he listens to the black kettle starting to boil. All of a sudden, he remembers the face Hoseok made when he accidentally took a sip of Hansol's coffee and the way the lanky man went on a minute long rant about how he doesn't understand paying for something so bitter.

Hansol smiles to himself just as a faint click rings through the otherwise silent kitchen, signalling that the water has reached boiling point.

The man is just about to reach for the kettle when he hears the doorbell to his apartment ring, and Hansol stops and frowns for a second, wondering who could possibly be visiting him at this hour. He knows for a fact that it can't be Soonyoung or Myeongho, considering they just sent him a photo a few minutes ago from a party in Hongdae, calling him names for not joining them.

With quiet footsteps, Hansol heads to the living room to check the small screen placed on on of its walls. He can make out a figure standing in front of his main door, but he can't quite catch a glimpse of the man's face considering how the person has his head hung low. He squints in a lame attempt to get a better look, and then he recognizes who it is.

"...Hoseok?" he breathes out, taking in the familiar curve of the other man's shoulders and his hair. Hansol rushes to the door, immediately sensing that something is wrong. He flings the door open, and as expected, he finds Hoseok standing with his head down, his hands now curled up into pitiful fists besides him.

Hansol doesn't ask why Hoseok is visiting his apartment nearing midnight or what's wrong. He doesn't utter a single sound as he reaches out and places a gentle hand on the other man's arm and guides him inside. Their footsteps are the only sounds they hear for a while as they reach Hansol's couch, and Hoseok sits on it without protest, his eyes scrunched shut.

Once, he's seated, Hoseok begins to cry, not bothering to care that Hansol must be watching him. Ugly sounds escape his lips as he lets his shoudlers shake uncontrollably. He did try to hold it in. He had been for hours since leaving Yoongi's apartment. He had walked around the neighborhood, unable to return to his own apartment that is only a couple doors down from his boyfriend's. He walked through the playground, walked around the block, trying to keep the tears at bay, but in the end, he just needed to find a place to hide.

The only three people who knew about his relationship with Yoongi were Seokjin, Jimin and Hansol. While Seokjin had only been accomodating and incredibly friendly, he doesn't feel like he can intrude the Kims, and as for Jimin, it's only a matter of time before Jungkook tells Yoongi exactly where he is. It only left Hansol, and Hoseok had no other choice but to come uninvited, late into the night.

Minutes pass by with Hoseok just crying and crying, not making an effort to stop himself, because he's sure that he's going to go insane if he doesn't let it out now. It's been months into the relationship, and he thought everything was going perfectly. He was in love. They were in love, or at least he thought they were. Now he's not so sure anymore if what they two share is in fact love.

Ever since the beginning of the relationship, there was a small nagging voice at the back of his head which kept whispering that Yoongi only stuck around because he felt responsible for Hoseok. Yoongi, being the kind-hearted man he is, was only dutifully playing the role of a soulmate and that Hoseok has created this illusion of a perfect relationship in his head. The voice was louder now. Practically yelling at him with a blatant tone of "I told you so" ringing with its every word. Yoongi didn't love him. Yoongi never wanted to be with a man, which is why he refused to take the physical aspect of their relationship further than holding hands and rare kissing.

And the thought broke Hoseok, because he was so pathetically in love with Yoongi.

It was no longer about the fact that the man is his soulmate, and that he needs Yoongi to keep himself from accidentally killing himself. The man was an ocean that calmed his nerves and the fire that kep him burning passionately, and the very thought of his one-sided dependency on Yoongi frightened him. So what is he supposed to do now? Yoongi didn't want to be with him. Yoongi deserved a chance to find a woman he can fall in love with, but the idea makes him feel sick to the stomach.

Hoseok's pitiful sobbing eventually dies down, and when he finally decides to look up, he sees Hansol watching him with an unreadable expression. Hansol wordlessly offers the other man a tissue, which Hoseok takes it to blow his nose with.

"Hey, what happened?" Hansol asks, handing the man another one. Hoseok looks up, his face red and blotchy with tears still rimming his puffy eyes. Hoseok gnaws at his lower lip, debating whether to tell Hansol the honest truth or not. The fact is, he doesn't really want to, but at the same time, he feels as if he owes the other man at least an explanation for barging in like this.

"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to," Hansol continues a moment later, reading the other man's distress.

"'M sorry," Hoseok answers nasally, not quite ready to talk about anything yet. It still hurts. His chest still feels tight as if heart is imploding in itself. He might be overreacting, but it doesn't change the fact that he's in so much pain.

"It's OK, but you should talk to him."

"...Huh?" Hoseok looks up, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hands.

"Your boyfriend. Talk to him about it. He might surprise you," Hansol explains sagely as he reaches for Hoseok's to hand to stop him from rubbing at his eyes so harshly.

"Who said 's about my boyfriend..." Hoseok mumbles nasally, small hiccups interrupting his words.

"He's the only one that can make you cry like this, isn't he?" the other dancer says with a soft smile and Hoseok only blinks owlishly back at him.

"......"

"You can sleep here tonight," Hansol continues, getting off the couch to give the other man some space to just think or cry or whatever it is that he needs to do to feel better.

"Thanks, Hansol..."

"You know where the bed is," Hansol replies, motioning towards the same room Hoseok had crashed after getting drunk. "...I'd never make you cry like that." The last words are barely above whispers, words blending with each other and making it impossible for Hoseok to pick up.

"...Hansol?"

"Sleep tight, Hoseok."

-

Yoongi hates himself.