The Flawless Silence In Utah

Chapter 2

Sydney's POV

Looking back at the man who was walking towards me I run after Adam. He opens my door for me, I jump in and unlock my phone. He gets in the car and starts driving for awhile it seems unsettling and I feel sick to my stomach " where does your mom live " Adam says breaking the silence " in Layton " I say looking down at my phone " okay " it goes back to being quite. All I hear is the wheels running against the pavement and every now and then I hear other cars. An hour passed and I see a sign that says Layton. " so I'm guessing you haven't been home in awhile " I look up from my phone glancing at Adam, confused. " yeah I haven't been. I've lived in Kansas with my foster family for 4 years " he takes his eyes off the road and glances at me for a sec and then looks back at the road nodding his head " why go back now " he says " I miss her " he sighs and hits the breaks making the car come to a complete stop in the middle of the road. I fling forward thanking god I had put on my seat belt. " what the hell adam " I scream " you miss her! " " she's still my mom " I scream again " but I'm guessing sense you went into foster care she don't care about you " he screams back " like I said before you don't know me or my mom " I feel the tears brimming my eyes and the anger boiling in my blood " your right princess I don't " he starts driving again and I'm beginning to think this was a even worse idea then before. It feels like forever but we pull up to a Walmart and he parks the car in the back of the parking lot " look Sydney I didn't mean to..... " " I don't care Adam " I cut him " I know you don't, just I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything " he says looking out the window " your damn right you shouldn't have " I say unlocking the door and jumping out " where are you going " he follows me by getting outta the car " I'm finding a taxi "
" Sydney wait " he reaches for my arm spinning me around " no I don't know you and I've spent the last 2 hours in a car with you scared you we're gonna murder me " after saying all that I'm completely outta breath and I look at Adam and he has a dumb smile on his face " murder you ahahaha Sydney I'm not a criminal. " he says laughing " could have fooled me. Offering a girl you just met a ride to Arizona " I scream. Now drawing attention from other people around us " your the one who was dumb enough to say yes I was trying to stop a pretty girl like you from riding the bus. Thought it was a gentleman thing to do. " he defends himself " people are staring " I say looking around " aren't you used to that you are a celebrity" " people always make assumptions" " okay what the fuck are you talking about " he says throwing his hands up " can we just get back in the car please " I say going to the passenger seat " I thought you wanted a taxi " he says grinning " I'm fine in your truck but seriously can we leave " he's laughing now walking to the drivers side " no problem princess " he jumps into the front seat throwing the car in drive and pulls outta the Walmart parking lot " where's your moms house at " he says looking at me " turn left at the next light " I say " no problem " he smiles and then turns on the radio and one of my songs was now blaring through the car " this ones kinda okay " he says singing along " kinda okay? I thought you hated my songs " I say trying not to laugh " okay I might have made some of it up " he says grinning again " whatever " we both start singing my songs and before I know it we are parked in front of my moms house " is this it " he says turning down the radio " yeah, " I say opening the door and jumping out " want me to come with you " Adam says from the window of the drivers side " no no I'm okay " I walk up the stairs of the house. I knocked a couple times and no one answered. As I start to walk away I hear the door creek open. I turn around quickly and look only to find a man I don't know " can I help you " he says in a annoyed voice " sorry I think I have the wrong house " I say turning to leave " who you looking for " he says opening the door more " my mom her name is Sabrina " I say swallowing hard " your Sabrina's kid huh" " you know her "   " could never forget her kid " he says stepping outside alittle " do you know where I could find her "   " unfortunately I don't " he says I felt my stomach drop " oh okay, well sorry to interrupt your night I'll get going "  I say turning to leave " wait, come sit " he says " I really should going " I mumble trying to get to the car " I'm sure you do, but I wanna talk about your mom "    " okay " I say looking at Adam sitting in the drivers seat obviously not paying attention to anything going on outside the car. I take a seat on the front porch joining the man " you look so much like her " he says looking me up and down I start to feel more uncomfortable with every second " how well did you know my mom " I manage to say " she was an old friend back in college, she moved to Kansas when she graduated and we stopped talking she moved back a couple years ago I'm assuming you knew that "  " yeah I did "  " she missed you, she talked about you everyday " he says wiping under his eyes " yeah, I missed her "    " your mom wanted me to give you this. If you ever came looking for her, I'll be right back " he runs inside and When he comes back out I stand up. " here " he says handing me a envelope with my name printed on it, I trace the writing with my fingers imagining my mom writing it " thank you, " I say leaving " take care Sydney "  I turn to look at him and give him a small smile. I open the door to the car sitting down in my seat about to open the letter when Adam turns up the music super loud pulling away from the house " Adam can you turn that down "   " your such a buzzkill " he says turning down the music " what's that "   " it's a letter from my mom " I say looking at her perfect hand writing on the outside " well open it " he says annoyed " no, I'm saving it " I say shoving it into my coat pocket " for what " he says " for when I'm alone. god stop being so damn nosy " " damn okay princess " he turns up the music again and starts jamming to XXXTENTACION. After what feels like forever I actually start to drift asleep.

" Sydney, SYDNEY " I feel someone shaking me " what the hell Adam " I scream at him " I bought a hotel room for us " he says " a hotel room or 2 hotel rooms " I say " 2  " he says annoyed  " great" I say yanking the key from his hand and head in into my room. As soon I get in there I lay down on the bed. Reaching into my pocket I grab the letter and continue to look at the outside writing of my name. It feels foreign to look at her writing. I sigh opening the letter and begin reading

Dear Sydney,
     I know one day you'll come looking for me. And while you are looking you will continue to ask yourself. Why did she not love me like she loved Justin? Why did she hurt me? Why did she allow her boyfriend to hurt me? And baby girl my only answer for that is..... i was to addicted to drugs and the feeling of getting high and your brother he was older and he understood when mommy needed her own time but you. You always wanted me. And I got angry at you for needing me. I know now that I was wrong. That the best feeling in the world isn't getting high, it's being needed by your children. I had no idea what Trevor did to you and when I found out I left him and I stopped using and I did everything I could to try to get you back. But I couldn't and I had realized that I had lost my baby girl. I found out you went and lived with the Marshall's so when I knew you were safe I moved here and I sent you that post card! Hoping one day you'd want to come find me and ask me questions about how I didn't chose you. So I can say that I choose you now if you let me! I love you Sydney Nicole Marshall, I love you so much baby girl. And your mommy will always love you

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding and my face felt hot. I went into the bathroom rinsing my face with cold water and noticed I had tears brimming my eyes. When I go back into the room and grab the paper again I notice another paper in the envelope. I grab it out and unfold it

Sabrina Larsson
DOB- 09-18-78
DOD- 06-09-18

" she died " I felt the tears streaming down burning my faces as they fell " how did I not know my own mom died......... WHYYYYYYY "
I start to beat my pillow screaming and soon falling into the bed I lay there weak " I hate you. I hate you so much for leaving me mom. I hate you so much for hurting me. For never actually caring about me " after continuing to cry for what felt like forever I hear a knock on the door " yo Sydney, gotta leave it's 6:07 am "
I hear Adam say. I grab my phone checking it " whatt, okay I'm coming " I say grabbing my jacket and throwing it on and trying to put some water on my face to make my eyes less red. I walk to the car to see Adam sitting up front jamming to some songs. When I enter the car he quickly turns them off and starts looking out the window " you ready to go " he says " yeah " I say outta breath. He takes off and I turn on the radio. " you hungry " he glances at me " wait Sydney have you been crying " he says concerned " what no " I say wiping my eyes " just tired "    " you sure " he says "  yes god I'm sure " I kinda scream " damn okay, I think you needa eat " he says smiling. God he's annoying I think looking out the window