Afraid // Sequel to Always

Based on Peeta's POV

~~~~~~~

I walk in the deserted district, glass shattered on the paths, houses and shops are burnt to ashes, boot-prints in the mud. This is my home.

I get to the Meadow and fall to my knees on the grass; crying but no tears are falling. Sobs. Screams. I imagine the dandelions that grow here dying, the stems breaking. Just like my heart.

"Peeta." Finnick says, sitting next to me and holding me.

He knows where I am. Always.

"Shh...it's okay." He holds me tightly and slowly rocks me, like I'm a baby. I let out cries, screaming into the world.

"WHERE IS SHE?!" I yell into the distance. Finnick learns to ignore it and continue holding me.

"Where is she..." I start to whisper weakily. It's no use. She's gone. No where. She's no where. Dead.

And I'm still here. Everyone dies and I'm still here.

I'm still alive.

"She's dead Peeta, in reality, she's dead. But if you look clearly, focus your eyes on these flowers, you'll see her. You'll see her smiling, running with the wind, just focus your eyes and watch." Finnick whispers.

I do what he says, looking out into the meadow, focusing my eyes on the sky and flowers, watching between them to see.

Katniss appears slightly, like the image in my imagination can picture her for me. She wears a white silk dress, and she plays within the flowers. I push myself up and stare, my throat dry. She's still here, not in my heart, but in my mind.

She's faded like a ghost; but I stare for an hour, the same image replaying. She picks a flower and connects her eyes with me for a second, smiling slightly. It feels like magic. How someone can care about another enough to bring them back.

"You see her?" Finnick smiles, watching the same place as me.

"I do." I breathe. The air is cold, freezing my skin. Katniss told me I was hesitant to Winter, and she was right, but I went with her because I trusted her. She knew the woods better than anyone.

"She's dead in reality. But reality isn't a lot of fun. So follow your imagination, follow your love." Finnick nods, putting a hand on my shoulder. I wipe away my final tears.

He grabs my hand and pulls me up. We walk and leave Katniss, playing in the wind, and I feel like I'm letting her go all over again.

When we get back to my house, Finnick goes to the bathroom and comes out with a bottle of tablets.

"Your daily medication." He shakes it so the tablets makes a haunting tapping noise against the bottle.

"I don't need it." I move back, scared.

"Peeta." Finnick's voice is calm, steady.

"No, no, no. I'm not having it." I say, my back hitting the wall. I panic, breathing heavily.

"Peeta, you need too. Remember what the doctor said?" He says, stepping closer.

"NO. I'm not insane!" I yell, reaching for something, anything.

"This is not because you're insane, alright? It's just because you're a little sick. You can take this and it will be fine." He nods, smiling slightly to make me feel better.

"I can't." I breathe, finally reaching a lamp that's on the desk. I yank it from it's place and hold it to my chest, threatening.

"Yes you can." Finnick looks at me intently.

"I- I can't." My hands get sweaty.

"Peeta, it's just a tablet. Put down the lamp." Finnick reaches a hand but I move to the side, not prepared to hit him.

"No. No." I say, feeling tears come to my eyes.

"Okay, okay." Finnick puts the bottle on the table near him and puts up his hands to surrender.

I gulp.

"I won't give it to you, I promise. Just please put down the lamp." He says, stepping closer.

I bite my lip and give in, letting him take it from my hands and putting it in it's original spot.

"Good work bud." He stands up and nods.

I stand there, still scared. He puts a hand on my back and guides me to the couch. He turns on the TV and I watch it; still and frozen.

I just wish I noticed when he snuck up behind me and forced the tablet into my mouth, my hands thrashing to push him away, but he pushes it down my throat. I scream.

He comes and sits next to me as I cry, giving up. The tablet is in me, and it's making me crazy. Making me anxious. Like I've done something wrong.

I try to push him away, but Finnick manages to hold me tightly again as I bury my face in my hands.

"I hate this. I hate it. I hate everything." I repeat over and over.

He might even let a few tears fall, as I sit there, feeling insane. I might have gone crazy when Katniss died. But I feel so empty all the time. I never win. Medication, food I don't want, sleep. Medication, food I don't want, sleep. The cycle goes on and on.

As Finnick holds me I feel something spike into my arm, a needle. I don't even look up. I know what it is. I've had it before, when I went too far and got put to sleep. I let out one last cry before the world goes black.

I always get upset when Finnick does this, but it's because he has too. He has no choice. He's admitted he's hated it, but no one else could do it to me. He tortures me unintentionally. Little does he know I'm the only one that thinks that.

When I wake up, I'm in a dark room, my bedroom. Finnick probably carried me here. I cry into my pillow for a little while before Finnick comes and checks on me, but this time Annie and their son, Blu, follow.

Finnick turns on the light and Blu runs up to me, jumping on the bed and hugging me. I smile and hug him back. He's the only one that makes me light up.

"Uncle Peeta!" He yells, wrapping his arms around me. He's two and the best little guy ever.

"Blu, how are you?!" I ask as he sits on his knees next to me.

"Good. Are you wokay?" He asks, his big eyes looking up at me.

I smile and sniff.

"Yeah. I'm wokay." I say, kissing his forehead.

"Hey Peeta." Annie says, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Hey Annie. Nice to see you." I nod.

"You too." She smiles with that friendly smile, and as I sit up Blu sits on my lap.

"Guess what Uncle Peeta! I went to swimming lessons in Dwistict 4!" He yelps, smiling.

I laugh.

"Wow! Awesome. Where your daddy grew up. Was it fun?" I ask, watching Finnick and Annie smile with admiration.

"YES!" He claps his hands.

I clap too and chuckle.

"Well, I hope you missed the TICKLE MONSTER!" I tickle him and he screams then giggles adorably.

As I lean on the headboard and watch them, I realise at this moment I'm not insane. It makes me remember I'm okay.

If only I didn't remember,

I'm still afraid.

***

Thanks for reading! This is the sequel to Always!

You asked for it!

I hope you enjoy and I will update ASAP!

Love you all.