The Places Alec Forgot

Chapter Thirteen

When Tuesday rolls along, I'm not sure that I'm ready to go back to therapy. I've been taking one pill a day, to Mama's dismay. She wants me to dump them, but I may meet the doctor's anger if I dare to flush them. I'll have to keep that quiet if I can.

Gold's office isn't far from home, but Mother still insists on driving me. I don't know how long it'll be before she still trusts me to walk the streets on my own after my last walk through town.

With another kiss on the cheek, she wishes me good luck in a cheerful tone, but I can hear the disdain beneath her words. She's had this sense of displeasure since I started coming here.

You're not sick, she'd say. You are special. You should learn to control what you have. You're special, Alec. Special. You are not sick. Those pills are bad for you. They make you sick.

But Dr. Gold says I'm sick, says I'm going through psychosis. It's something about my brain, some chemical imbalance, and it makes sense. The hallucinations, delusions. I know what I'm going through.

I'm not special. I'm sick.

I walk upstairs to Dr. Gold's office and wait for him outside. I can hear his dog sniffing around behind the door, whining and pawing at the carpet. She seems excited to see me, and that makes me smile.

The sketchbook is in my lap, closed, still covered in my smudged fingerprints, still thick from wear.

Gold peaks his head out of the door, and he smiles when I look over. "Alec, come on in."

I have to push by Onyx in order to get into his office. She never jumps on people, but she always tries to get in my lap when I sit down.

"How was your week?"

I shrug. "It was... long." Each week gets worse. I'm not sure how to tell him that.

Gold nods. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I... had another episode." Of course. I have to keep talking, because he's quiet, waiting for me. "I was walking. Y'know Stanley Avenue? I was near there, and someone... showed up. He wasn't real - another episode. The - The, uh, the road was all... dark, and there was a - a big beast. It chased me."

"Did it get you?"

I shake my head.

"Did it make any sounds?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it... talked. Kinda in two voices - one was all garbled like it was drowning. The other was crisp."

Dr. Gold pauses to think. "Did you recognize the crisp voice?"

"Yes."

He seems surprised. "Do you know who it was?"

I shake my head. "I have no idea..." I let the silence fester before I speak once again. "I think I had a memory while I was there. I remembered someone I think I recognized."

"Who was it?"

"I think it was... my dad."

"I thought you never knew your father," says Dr. Gold. I understand his confusion, because I'm confused, too.

"I thought I didn't," I say. "I remembered his voice, I think."

"Why do you think it was a memory of him?" It's a better question, one that I'm sure I should have posed to myself before pestering Mother about it.

"Because... I don't know." I sigh, rubbing at my face. Sometimes it's comforting, just rubbing at my eyes and cheeks with the heel of my palms. "When I heard his voice in my memory, that's all I could think of. I wanted to call the voice Dad."