One Last Letter

Evan,

Hey there, Evan. I am really nervous right now. I have written probably a hundred unsent letters. It became my diary. In there, I write what I feel about you, every time I see you, every time we make a two-second eye contact, every time you smile, laugh, pout, everything! It's the simple things that make my heart beats faster. One last letter, just one more. After this, I hope my feelings for you will vanish because I know that you and I will never have the chance.

It was in first grade when I first saw you. You were really cute back then. It's my first time in school so I was very shy. I didn't talk to anyone, I guess I was a loner. That year, you already had a bunch of friends. I think I was the only one who was not your friend. I was so nervous. I didn't know the reason why.

I studied hard in third grade. I thought maybe in that way, you'll notice me. I was scared and extremely shy to man up and talk to you. I became the smartest in our batch. I got teased like nerd, bookworm or four-eyed monster by your friends. I didn't care if they tease or embarrass me. All I care for was you, but you, you didn't even dare talk to me. You didn't even tease me. When your friends tease me, you would look at me and just roll your eyes. It was like I was a wind passing your way and you didn't care.

In fifth grade, I studied less. I didn't know what to do. I was depressed. I know I was being melodramatic, but that was really what I felt.

I had a small circle of friends. I still didn't have a best friend. I wanted to have a best friend wherein I could tell him/her what I truly felt. I want to have a best friend wherein it's just the two of us. We may have other friends but we would consider each other like he/she is my only friend in this world. Unfortunately, there is no person in this town who wants that.

In ninth grade, I heard you had a girlfriend. I know her. She is not like those stuck-up bitches that would apply too much make-up and wear short skirts. She's like an angel. Very pretty and at the same time has a good attitude. She is a good dancer, very down to earth and she is a friend to everyone. I admit, I was a bit jealous but I was still happy for you because I know that you will be happy with her by your side. After a year, I was surprised when I heard you two broke up. I didn't know what to feel. I don't know if am suppose to be happy or angry or sad. I don't know. I just acted like I didn't care.

Before eleventh grade started, my mom and I visited a derma-clinic to remove my pimples. My thick glasses had been replaced by clear contact lenses. My mom wants to maintain my dark eyes.

When classes were done, I stood near the school doors. I waited for you. After a few minutes, I finally saw you. You glanced my way but still didn't talk to me. I sighed. I thought you'll walk up to me, flirt with me then ask me on a date like all those fucking cliché stories but, no. That was only what I thought. I was wrong.

And that was the day I gave up on you.

Love, Stephanie.