What's wrong with me?
I ask myself as I walked through the hall after first period.
I stared at the view of the trees and the old tennis court.
If I talk too much, they start getting annoyed...
If I talk too little, they ask if something has happened...
After second block, I was exhausted from PE.
After third block, I was tired from religious project.
As lunch arrived, I ate till my heart content but stopped to see everyone except me all smiling and chilling. I wanted to join in their conversations but I was scared that they'll get pissed at me for talking too much.
I might accidentally say something rude or just plain stupid. I stared again at the old tennis court, remembering the past. We played tag and hide and seek, we went to camps year after year, and we're now in high school.
It feels like my surrounding has changed... or I have changed.
I'm scared to be alone
I'm scared that no one would listen to me
I told my best friend my problem... it didn't go away...
I can't tell my mom my problem because I'm afraid that she'll get hurt and I don't want her to be carrying all my problems.
I can't tell my teachers because I don't really 'know' them.
'What's wrong with me?'
I keep on saying negative things about myself but say positive things to others.
My schedule is so full, it's making me dizzy.
My life is filled with homework that I can't even concentrate.
I really want to tell someone who would just listen.
Just listening would do.
She/He doesn't have say anything at all.
I want to say stuff that might annoy people but it's hard.
I don't want to loose anyone, hurt anyone or even annoy anyone.
...
I feel left out even if my friends are right in front of me...
I feel stupid when I get carried away...
I just wanna go back to the past and stay there for eternity...
but time won't let me do so...
We have to move on...
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8/28/2014 Thursday
-happyamada
