BRAINWASHED ─ marvel

IV. The Safe House

Chapter Four:
Bucky

For the next week I hide in the boat's supply closet/Paul's playroom. At night I sleep on the floor, using one of Paul's extra pillows and blankets he gave me, then during the day I spend time with him. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we play with his toys, and sometimes we do what he calls 'arts and crafts, which entails drawing or creating pictures using things like pipe cleaners and popsicle sticks.

I expected spending time with an eight year old would be annoying and tedious...but it was actually nice. Paul has an endearing innocence to him that is like a breath of fresh air after being in HYDRA all these decades. He looks at life in the most optimistic way, always seeing the good in people and situations.  He doesn't blame his father or uncles for not spending time with him, despite how lonely he is, and instead focuses on ways to entertain himself and be helpful. When he isn't playing, he dedicates a lot of free time helping his family with navigation or cleaning or whatever else needs to get done. It's like he creates light wherever he sees darkness.

I'm actually sad to be leaving him today, and I'm not the only one. The minute we dock at a harbor in Hong Kong, Paul bursts into tears.

"I don't want you to leave, James." He wails, running over towards me and wrapping his tiny arms around my waist.

I'm shocked at first by the contact, but I recover quickly and place my hands on his small shoulders, patting him gently. As he cries into my shirt, I see a different child hugging me flash in my mind's eye; a girl around Paul's age, wearing my army hat on her small head. She looks up at me, her face wet from her tears, and wails 'I don't want you to go, Bucky'."

Bucky. That's what Steve Rogers had called me. It's clearly a nickname, but until now I thought only Rogers called me that, but did I prefer it over my first name? Did everyone call me 'Bucky'?

As usual, the answer to that question evades me.

I grab onto Paul's shoulders and pull him away from my waist, then I bend down to be at his eye level. I smile at the boy, wiping one of his tears away, then assure him in my gentlest voice: "I have to go, I cannot hide here forever. It's not safe for you."

"I'm strong! I can protect myself!" Paul argues, pouting at me.

I suppress a chuckle. "I know you are, but think of your dad and your uncles. They aren't safe with me here. I have to go."

Paul looks like he's about to burst into a fresh set of tears, so I hesitantly pull him in for another embrace, still unused to the contact. Paul clings to my neck so tightly he almost chokes me, but I don't mind. I pat his back gently and murmur to him: "I'll always be your friend, Paul. No matter how far away I am."

"Promise?" He whispers against my shoulder, clinging to me tighter.

"I promise."

-

Once I leave Paul's boat, I steal a car and begin the journey to Erdenet.

The journey is...slow, to say the least.

As the hours go by I find myself feeling bored, lonely, and these are feelings I'm not very familiar with having. I should be used to having nothing to do but the mission ahead of me, having no one to speak to or spend time with, but I guess Paul has spoiled me on that front.