Beautiful Scars

*********************preface********************

It hurt so bad.

There was blood everywhere. On the counter, the floor, blood all over my hands, running down m leg.

I wanted the pain to go away. I was getting dizzy. I wanted it to stop hurting, why was i doing this to myself?

I had to finish it I was almost done.

NO! I started and dropped the knife. My blood ran cold. There it was, the voice. The voice echoing in my head since the day my father died.

STOP IT!  There it was again, my heart raced, i had to do what it said, i had to or elce...... I didnt let myself finish the sentence. No, i was not going to let it push me around, not any more, i was done playing this game. Done. I was going to finish what i started.

I picked the knife up from off the floor. DON'T DO THIS!  I smiled. The first smile to creep across my face in years, and the voice brought it on. This made me laugh. The voice never liked it when i laughed.

"Why not?" i asked it "why should i stop? It is tradition, after all."

THIS IS NOT THE WAY ITS SUPPOSED TO BE!

"Really?" I asked still smiling. "because this is always the way it ends." My smile faded, remembering.

YOU NEED TO STOP, IF YOU GO THROUGH WITH THIS, YOU WILL LOOSE ME, DO YOU WANT TO LOOSE ME? I BROUGHT YOU FAME, I BROUGHT YOU POWER.

I snorted. "You brought me nothing, and its time for you to go." I said, my voice was filled vith venom and hate, an my face showed anger, but i felt nothing, hollow inside.

"I think its time for both of us to go." I ignored the angry protests of the voice as i brought the knife down once more, to end what I had begun. More pain, more blood, but i didn't feel it, i didn't see it. I just leaned back, and closed my eyes.

Finally i had a moment alone, the voice was gone. I smiled weakly as everything turned hazy. I was at long last able to breathe a sigh of relief, and it felt like for the past ten years, i had been holding my breath, a breath  that felt so good to release.

I drifted off happily, expecting death.